you’re gonna be fine
have you learned to cry yet? like mango juice dripping from god’s lips & pooling in the sky until a second sun is born, i’d like you to stop lying to the universe as if it matters.
arden misses you. they’ll pause mid-laugh & stare into a world they can’t see & i caught a glimpse once. did you know they have a scar shaped like a begging woman? do you know they trace it with a red pen during class & wish for you? & i’m a fucking dumbass, but i hold them anyways because god they still look like you.
newsies is still my favorite musical! maybe i haven’t grown since 7th grade & maybe i don’t care. ya know, you haven’t either.
sorry. bad joke.
i’ve read the bible front to back & i still haven’t found a single passage that states you must swallow the wafers whole. something that shocked me though: i hate jesus. please don’t hurt me. it’s just, he sits at the table with jewish sinners & speaks absolutely no ill-word of them when questioned by others. pretty christ-like, yes. but, when a greek lady asks for his help, he compares her to a dog under the table. sure, he does his thing & helps her eventually, but isn’t that the tiniest bit... cruel? that’s a rhetorical question. i know the meaning of the passage. i just think it’s shitty.
i’m not sure if you remember the sky. but, you told us it smelled like ash that night & i told you to stop believing you are everything.
you’re everything now. congratulations.
with love (& despair & hope & any other faucets i’ve myself of shoved into this letter),