Hey me from three months ago,
Actually, don’t answer that- I know what is up. You’re super sad right now, going through a lot of mental and physical pain, writing some sad poetry, binge watching stuff you don’t care about that you usually like, and your family is concerned about you. This feels like the perfect place to say “it gets better,” but I know you won’t believe that right now, even coming from me. So I’ll say this instead:
The headaches do stop. I know you’ve been pretty good about drinking water but the constant headaches that Advil can't even soothe do stop. It’s gonna take a minute, but they will stop.
Also the crying- the crying stops. I know how much that annoyed you because of how dry it made your face and how tired you get after, so know that you won’t be crying every single day very soon.
Your sister is a ball of light. Start hanging out with her more and sooner. You’d be surprised how effortlessly happy a Disney movie with your sister can make you- it’s wild.
Spoiler alert: I know you’ve been very, very alone for these past months, but do not fret! An internship is going to beckon you to seek housing with your friends. Said internship will fall through, but it’s ok cause you’re gonna be with your friends and it’s gonna be great. Your friends are great.
But yeah, I don’t really have anything else to say, I don’t wanna spoil too much or give any advice, cause I think what you really need now is to continue to cry, continue to sulk, and continue to practice being ok with being alone. I think the fact that you miss having a person to cuddle with more than you miss him is very telling, missy.
And I don’t want you to feel stupid or anything like that because it is not your fault that you love so hard and so deeply, and I don’t want you to think that he brought that out of you. Sis, it was always there, he merely presented the opportunity to be on the receiving end.
And I don’t want you to feel guilty about how you’ll end up handling all this post-breakup nonsense much better than your good friend, because your situations are not the same, and her brain is wired differently than yours.
Talk to your mom more, interact with your dad less, sing loudly with your sister more, replay things in your mind much, much less.
Really proud of you, and I can’t wait for you to see what’s next.