Life Is Love Lied To

Life Is Love Lied To

It was when the day had grown tired of seeing us

When the last line of sun sliced through the horizon

Casting a violet glow amongst the town

Similar to the light peeping from under my bedroom door

Where you stood still-before knocking on it, in hesitation

Would I accept you?

I did something I promised myself I wouldn’t

The urge to resist was not in my favor that Friday evening

Mother, you wanted me to tell you what I thought “love” was

I am ready now

It was drawn from out of me-like a molasses-thick splinter salve

The taste of Camel menthol cigarettes subdued me into telling

To when we were young and filled with pine ashes of ignorance

I miss the country so

But rent is cheaper in the city

I recall the smell of cinnamon leaves bake under the heat of those rhythmic neon flames-sweet and spicy

While observing the transcendental energy of the evergreens sway-how smooth and seductive they seemed to be

The creatures from the night looked on with voyeuristic eyes

As we drank from our cans of cheap Natural Ice-it was always dad’s go to

And then in this memory I can hear the thunder from the drums roll and rumble rise up from under the black steel doors leading down to your lair

Entranced by its masculine mystery-the heaviness of the bass bounced off every delicate part of me

This was the sound of fun, escapism, being in love and lost in a trance of victory-it had lured us into its castle of raw possibility-

So, our instincts pushed us along to the indoors of your confines

Jagged sticks of wax in an assortment of wicked colors flickered, dripped, and formed puddles at our feet

While heaps of laundry humped inside its shadowy machine

I can in this memory still feel the bite from whiskey that was on your breath-the one you took from Mark’s trunk

It was intoxicating to breathe in your rebellion

Resume.

I can see the dilation of your pupils when you watched me undress

And counted each golden speck that shimmered in your topaz eyes-there were SIX

Thank you for noticing

There was a curtain hiding your photo enlarger and high school paintings

There were purple and green lights spiraling around the basement poles

Decorating, illuminating

Our spirits into crosses

I wanted him to know how good it felt to be glazed with certainty, love kilned in veins

We were like a helix of flesh, morphing into one heart-soldered together by the union of our will

A Vanilla Fudge vinyl spun in circles under the tonearm

Haunting, crackling and smoked fruit melodies shrieked; moaned in defeat, descending with a deep

Sigh

As I lied there heaving by his side, soaked in pearls of sweat

And then, before anything else

Before the wheels could go around and around

Before I could stress about breaking my probation

We puffed out the white fog of dreams on his torn and tattered couch

Where all the paranoia’s flurried to the kingdom of banishment

I was far away from the soul eaters I associated with when I was with him

Safe inside his circle of salt

I remembered savoring the stew of mold and mildew from the splotchy pink insulation above our heads; relishing the stagnant smell of forgotten things

The last kiss of the evening, before the rising sun, ended with laughter that lasted for minutes (which were hours), at nothing, but everything

Mother, you asked me to tell you-and so I told

Time stood before us, but now it rests behind us

He was gold to me then, but now I am sold in

To the marriage of rusty rings

The menthol cigarette I had at my lips died of death

Peppermint leaves blowing away in the cool eastern winds

While the town quietly nodded off to sleep

My phone fell from my lap as I stood up and looked around for the stars-the ones he teased me about for thinking they were small enough to catch

And said to myself: I wish I would of never met him.