Holding onto that which does not exist is way of a escape for me. Notions of grandeur and character that I have not, lets me forget who I am. Someone lost, someone like many others...young, unsure and holding on to too much. Envisioning and speaking my problems through imaginary characters let’s me feel detached but at the same time connected in way only I benefit from. It’s makes me feel the way I can’t grasp or hold onto long enough to make me smile. It allows me to be a king, to feel strong, to feel happy, hurt, listened to, worthy, dashing, brilliant, a leader and so much more. I have always since childhood connected with this image of medieval knights, kings, jousts, and the like and I use it to heal my mind when it becomes to over run with thoughts and feelings that I hate and feel shame for...for not loving the delicate, stark parts of myself that make me feel as though I do nothing but hurt, burden and hurt again. Writing within fantasy shields who I am but also allows me to share some of my deepest feelings.