To my 16 year old brother

You have a million reasons for me

Reasons for me to stay

Reasons for me to have faith in you

Reasons for me to forgive even when you chewed and spit me out like I’m a piece of Trident gum

Reasons for me to hear you say “I’m sorry”

Reasons for me to adapt to your drunken-like anger

Reasons for me to put up with your idea of assaulting me even though I’m your sister

Guess what? I can't really forgive you

The fights against me at home

The attempted assaults against me at home

The somewhat verbal abuse against me at home

The disrespect against me at home

I may be 17 but even I can be scarred by people like you

You never knew that you’re a bully

Behind your happiness lies a cruel, angry, demeaning, brutally malicious persona that intends to make me go into submission for defending a 8 year old that you had insulted because to be honest, that 8 year old has a bright future with a mind eager enough to get a education

Your attitude is worse than a high school jock

Beg and cry all you like but the bridge has been burnt to ashes

Let me ask you: Did you really want to hurt me?

If you didn’t want to, you would’ve been considerate of my feelings

Guess what? I’m drowning my symbolism of you and finding my own way

We may still share our smiles, laugh, talk, converse with one another just because you and I are in the same family but I won’t feel the same again after what you did on April 20

In other words-you have bruised and scarred me for life

I understand if people might think of me being unjustifiable for not forgiving you and moving on but the pain is too much

Everyday I wake up depressed and deprived of the lack of respect from you and it’s stayed with me since April 20-the day I was maliciously berated by you

To my 16 year old brother-don’t let my smile or happiness fool you because inside of me is a depressed, fatally broken yet bruised version of me that you caused after you destroyed my purpose of being happy at 17 years old because all you ever did on April 20 was made me even sadder with my life