Letter for my Ex Wife
This feud—this boiling hatred I feel for you and to think I was once convinced you were someone I'd die for. I really tried to be civil; to turn away from such a petty way, but every encounter with you grows more toxic and offensive. I should share with you the sick happiness it brought me when I saw the bags under your eyes and your smudged black makeup liner. I couldn't feel for you for I did not see a broken woman in the irises of your eyes. If anything it looked like strength or maybe it was boredom or perhaps an uneasy weariness with me and my games. In this the two of us could experience the last of us as if there never was an "us." The thing that gets me most is how you actually fucking think I don't see what you're doing. I'll admit it, it is a well played position. Playing the victim meanwhile feeding on all the empathy of others. Truly you are a vampire of the soul. I would know—remember? I don't hate you. I just find it sad that nothing can reach you anymore, but your own egocentricity. Any sincere move on my part is bogged down in your analytical defense till you find fault were there is no fault to be found and the whole gesture is crushed. I tried playing the martyr for us to no avail. Then my eyes were opened to the grotesque nature of what you were doing. I was no martyr but a damn moth and you the black widow. I helplessly caught in your web. Your mercilessly calculated strikes sinking fangs deep injecting neurotoxins paralyzing all my struggles. How the poison rotted my insides out only so you could patiently wait to slurp up the remains leaving a petrified useless shell of the man I once was—To hell with that! Oh! Regina, thou art a villain! No! Indeed there is no love to miss here; I doubt even if there was love in the first place. Yet a far off memory does cry out to me asking, "Are we but monsters that preyed upon each others' fears and faiths with unscabbard sabers? Are we true love's lovers like Adam and Eve only to betray another as Cain and Abel?" And truthfully I don't answer them. Besides such weak thoughts have no business here anymore. For this is an ugly business; this is survival of the fittest and if I am to go down I will drag you with me, all the way to the bottom.