I've only been here for, like, fifteen minutes and I'm already clinging onto someone.
"Uh... I think the freshman guide went that way."
"Shh, just let this happen..." The guy who I refuse to let go of looks like he's a junior or a senior. It really didn't take much for me to flock to him. He was talking to an older professor here that I recognized as T_E_Trueman; he spoke at the National Book Festival last year that I attended. The guy looked pretty awkward from what I could tell, forcing a nervous laugh here and there through graceless, "sounds cool's," "I'm interested's," and "I might try that's." I wouldn't have paid as much attention to him as I did if he didn't catch the attention of Professor Trueman, someone who I knew could pass on my books to insiders of this game of death called publishing. And I wanna make money. I wanna make money real bad.
"Who are you exactly?" The guy asks, casually shouldering me off of his arm. I pause for a second at the question before realizing that I never introduced myself and how I probably look like a creep. My cheeks burn against their will.
"Oh! Sorry 'bout that. I'm SelfTitled. I used to go by SelfTitledKND, but that's retarded." The guy smiles a little at that, laughing in a not-so-awkward way that makes me feel like dying of happiness now that I'm actually making friends.
"Cool," he says, holding out a hand for me to shake. "Name's jwelker76. Yeah, I have numbers on my name. Deal with it."
"I'm not complaining," I reply, giggling a little as I shake his hand. "Sorry for being a total freak five seconds ago, by the way. That kinda happens when I'm put in new situations."
jwelker76 shrugs in a very "I feel your pain" kind of way. "You are a freshman, right?"
"Yeah." He gives me a once-over that makes me feel some type of way. Then, "you look pretty young to be a college student."
"Uh, yeah..." Control yourself, girl. "I graduated early from high school cuz my school is complete shit. But, like, the epitome of shit. Like that one that you just can't flush down the toilet that might flood your house. That kind."
"It was. I had to flee from that coming flood as soon as possible. I can't swim."
"Are we speaking in metaphors still?"
"No. I literally cannot swim."
"Wow." A silence falls around us that gets stunted by my mental screaming of shitshitshitshitshit! at the fear that I fucked up. Curse me and my awkwardness! Luckily, some black-and-white looking chick runs over to us and tackles jwelker76 to the ground in something that looked like a hybrid mix of a hug and a choke-hold.
"JJ!" The girl exclaims, hugging/murdering him tighter, if possible. "You didn't come to the bar with us! I thought something happened! I was so worried!" Meanwhile, "JJ" is gasping out things that sounded like the seagull noises I make while freaking out over something.
"Uh... lady? You're kinda strangling him." The girl takes a second to register what I just said before gasping and letting go of jwelker76, looking tearful like she just flushed his goldfish or something.
"Oh my God, JJ, I'm so sorry! You're okay, right? Please say yes!" Welker sits up, taking in deep gulps of air for a minute, holding up a finger for us to calm ourselves. He nodded a minute or two later.
"Yeah. I'm good. Sorry. I was just showing this freshman around. Her name's SelfTitled-without-the-KND-because-that's-retarded." A can't help but to smile at that before waving at the monochrome girl.
"Hi. Sorry about stealing him away from you. Just needed some assistance." The girl laughs a little and nods, agreeing.
"Yeah. This place can be a little wild some time. I'm SoulHearts by the way. If you want, I can show you to the girl's dorms so you can get your housing papers and key card. I would let JJ take you, but he kinda has a date right now that he's supposed to be going to."
"I do?" He thinks about it for a second. "Oh, it's with, uh... Tyla, right?" SoulHearts shakes her head and then JJ looks delirious. "You're kidding. Okay, then it's ALifeWithArt." Another no. "Jessi?" Nope. "JRose?" Nein. He thinks about it some more, harder, and you can see how hard he's thinking. It's a head-scratching, eyes-clenching kind of contemplating. He then snaps his fingers in realization. "Oh yeah! saltandink! The banana girl!"
I choke on my spit at the last part. "Are you like a pimp or something?" jwelker76 shakes his head, but smirks and winks my way.
"I could be."
Insert seagull noises here.
jwelker76 and SoulHearts both look like they went deaf. I clear my throat and stop, face hot. "Sorry. Uh, SoulHearts! We should get going, yeah?"
"Oh, um, yeah... I'll see you later, JJ! Have fun! Make good choices! Use protection!"
"I'll try!" He grins at us and waves before walking away. SoulHearts takes my arm and starts leading me to the girl's dorms.
"So, you excited to start classes here at Prose?" She asks me. I nod.
"Yeah. I'm still super nervous though. I mean, I'm sixteen and I'm in college now with adults. It all sounds so crazy." SoulHearts smiles down at me in a very big sister sort of way that made my heart clench.
"Don't worry too much about it. When you get your schedule, just follow back with me and I'll help you out. If you're lucky, you'll get the really chill professors. Like sandflea68, dustygrein, JamesMByers, RubyPond or nceguy68. The the others are also nice, but more stricter when it comes to English and such. This is the only university in the country that's a pure language arts institution. And we're Ivy League. People like Broken_Toe, PaulDChambers, A, Harry_Situation, PhynneBelle, desmondwrite, T_E_Truman, and MarkOlmsted are gonna be expecting the best from you." I let that sink in, chewing the inside of my cheek.
"That doesn't sound too bad..." I nod some more. I've been nodding a lot lately. "Anyone I should go to or avoid?"
"Well... I wouldn't really say avoid, but we have some people here that seem like they wouldn't really be your cup of tea. For instance, there's Octavian. Nothing wrong with him. He's just totally fine and I will end you if you ever touch him or my JJ."
"There's also AndyBetz. He's a professor here, too, but I hope to god that you don't have him as a teacher. He has this thong thing going on and it's so gross."
"And EstherFlowers1 is a literal tiger. Then CreativeChaos is a lion. I kid you not. They just walk around here attacking people because, you know, why not?"
"...What the fuck did I get myself into."
"But, as for people you might like..." She takes one glance at my My Chemical Romance t-shirt and then the "NBHD" bands on my wrists. "I think Winterreign is into the stuff you like. So is OnyxCity, lonely, Hella and Bunny. You know. The goth and emo squad."
"Just kidding! They're actually super nice! They just have darker senses of humor sometimes."
"...I guess that's okay."
"Delilah49 is super nice if you just need someone to talk to or help showing you around. She helped me out quite a few times when I first started coming here. Then casteleijn is super into that punk stuff. Like, "ANARCHY BABY!" stuff. I do know for a fact that itsdemoray is into The Neighbourhood, so that's an easy conversation starter. Finally, justaperson is a younger student like you are. I bumped into her when arriving today. Maybe they set you two up as roommates?" I immediately brighten up at the news.
"Yeah, hopefully." We continue to talk to each other about insignificant things because that's all filler due to a lack of inspiration to write it. She helps me get my key card and then leads me up to my room. I smile at her before heading inside.
"Well," I say, "this is my stop. Thanks a lot for helping me out today. Sorry again for keeping jwelker76 away from you."
"Hey, it's not problem. I'm just glad you made it here okay. Just one more thing though." The bright smile on her face darkens like the black side of the moon. "If you so much as touch my JJ without my permission, you'll lose your hands. Got it?"
"OOOOKAAAYYYY NOWWWW IMMA JUST GO IN MAH ROOM NOW THX!" Practically running into the dorm and slamming the doors shut, I lean my back against the surface, eyes clenched shut, trying calming down from that near-death experience. "Christ, what a day..."
"Oh yeah, definitely." Eyes snapping open, I come face-to-face with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Only thing is that she's naked, still wet, and drying her hair with a towel, so she must have gotten out of the shower not too long ago. I can already feel my face swelling with blood. The woman beams at me and walked over, holding out a hand for me to shake, not even caring about how unbelievably hot she is. "Hi. My name's SamanthaFowler. I guess we're roommates, huh?"
Holy motherfucking Baby Jesus Christ with eagle wings. This school fucked me the hell up.
"Y-Yeah..." I force a smile and shake her hand, doing everything in my power to keep my eyes on her face only. "I-I'm SelfTitled... nice t-to meet you, Samantha..." She raises an eyebrow at my stuttering before sending a devious smirk my way.
"You can look if you want. I don't mind," she purrs.
"It's not like I'm the one doing the staring." She takes a second to eye me up and down, biting her lip. "Although, I could be."
Internal seagull noises.
"I-I sh-should go unpack my things now..." She pouts, but shakes her head with a breathy laugh and a smile, letting go of my hand and taking a few steps backward so I could have my space.
"Good idea. You have a long day tomorrow anyone. You should relax tonight now that you have the chance." Is it just me, or does everything she says sound like sex? It's probably just me. Fuck you, God, for making me a raging bisexual. She chuckles at the look on my face before turning around and heading back to the bathroom attached to our room. The good thing about Prose University is that the dorms are so big and the school is so rich that we don't have to share one, huge bathroom, but each dorm gets it's own. Much like a hotel. The bad news is that I'm sharing a room with a fucking Succubus. Before closing the door behind her, she turns around and winks at me. "You can join me in here if you want. I'd love to get to know you better."
It's gettin' real hot in here, but I've gotta keep on my clothes today. I do this weird thing with my neck that nods would be ashamed of it I associated it with them. She closes the door to the bathroom, leaving me and my gay thoughts alone. Jesus H. Christ. The best thing that I can do in this situation is either eat the gay away or sleep. Without much thought, I flop my face into the unmade mattress of the unoccupied bed and shut my eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.
Christ, what have I done.