I look out into the beautiful skyline
How can somebody like me make it out of the gutter?
It’s like chains putting a strain on my pursuit to happiness
The chains that bound me to my unforgettable past
The past that once drowned me in my darkest sorrows
It haunts me daily…
Not just at night
Who would’ve know this life would be this hard?
I didn’t choose this life, it chose me
So tell me, what do i do with the cards that was dealt to me?
Meaningless conversations and friendships only confirms my self-doubt that i’ll never find the answer…
Night Will Fall
Sometimes we forget to celebrate the small victories
We get so wrapped up in the bigger picture that we forget to take life for what it is
One sentence that rings in my ears,
...take it one day at a time, one step at a time
One thing’s for certain, I’m not getting any younger
With each passing day, we grow older,
I like to sit back and think about everything that I’ve been through
All I could do is inhale and exhale deeply
I didn’t have it easy
...but who did?
The life I led wasn’t for the faint of hearts
I remember being in this world with no dreams
No hope that I could crawl out of this place where nothing good ever happens…
I remember crying myself to sleep
Fighting with my demons so that I could get out of bed…
All I saw was darkness surrounding me.
It became so natural to me, the light blinds me.
I found comfort in the dark.
I couldn’t see what I’ve become.
The devil came to haunt me at night.
He crept into my room
Tried to take me under
...To a place where there is no getting out
...A place where fire roams free
As a cold chill ran down my spine,
He told me, “Shh, this will be our little secret.”
Hell, even I started to believe it.
#freeversePoetry #poetry #myprivateHell
There's nothing more painful than knowing you're alive but not living...
I try to make people laugh and feel joy, even if it’s only temporary
So they won’t know what it’s like to be so riddled in pain that it’s debilitating
I’m smiling on the outside but dying on the inside
Sometimes it’s hard to even get out of bed, most days
If it wasn’t for the fact that I have to pay bills, I wouldn’t
I wish I could just disappear into the abyss and start anew
But I can’t, I don’t have money
I try to hold on
But I’m tired
Tired of people telling me that I’m not good enough...
The fact that I don’t have my own pot to piss in
I wouldn’t or couldn’t be anything without them
I am all of these things, there’s no denying that
Could it have been the trauma I experienced that I never got over?
Could it be that I make excuses for myself?
Could it be I am just a self-loathing person?
Could it be that I gave up too many times to stand on my own?
I don’t blame anyone but myself
I’m 27 now and don’t have my own pot to piss in
I’m mentally and physically exhausted
I couldn’t move pass the past
Sometimes I like to live my life vicariously through other people
Like... this life isn’t mine
Like jaded clouds I'm floating on temporary forever.
Wishing I could take it back in time and do things differently, secretly wishing my dream would come true, and I could have it that way.
Sometimes blessings come late
But never too late, always on time.
You're looking at me or maybe through me, I can't tell.
When I look at you I see nothing but emptiness lingering in your eyes, a deep sadness rooted back in time.
A wound never healed, never sealed, just open, and bleeding out.
"Out", a-ha sort of like me living my life out and proud. Never been the one to hide who I was. Never ashamed, until my mother shamed me. She said that I'd never go to heaven because God doesn't like ugly.
Well when I look in the mirror I don't see ugly. Beauty isn't measured through outer appearance but into the heart of the soul. Beauty comes from within, soulful and sound.
The gravitational pull of the way Earth massages my body, my mind.
Happy my mind is still in tact.
Like jaded clouds my eyes tell a story one cannot tell orally. Someone once told me people with the most stunning eyes tell a story without moving lips.
Do you see what I see? A man similar to evil. The evil comes to destroy people and their family. Do you have a deep rooted sadness like I do or are you blinded by the Devil's shades?
Your eyes seemingly starring into the abyss, empty, and tear-less. Raw and open, my heart is.
Can you hear me? My cries at night? Whimpering alone in the dark behind closed doors my cheeks burning.
Mom, I don't think you even care about me. Too bad because I have a peculiar story to tell.
Lost My Mind
I lost my religion along with my mind.
I sat in my room and let my past haunt me.
It hurts so bad that I long to sleep forever.
My reality feels like a dream.
No, a nightmare.
His face, his voice, his aura brings chills down my spine.
...Wish I could make you believe me, I never meant to hurt you.
It's so hard to let go.
I feel like a ton of bricks weighing me down with the constant reminder gnawing at my soul....
The sunlight beaming down on my skin warms me
It gives me joy
I walk towards nothingness hoping that it will lead me to happiness
I walk for hours searching for a destination, while I look down at my shoes,
Damn I need some new shoes
My feet hurt
I check my wallet, not a dollar in sight
All I have is bus fare...
My stomach starts to growl because I’m hungry
These hunger pains seems to ring in my ears and suddenly that’s all I hear...
I walk towards a bridge
… contemplating if I should jump
Who would really miss me?
Who would care?
… Still I muster enough courage to keep walking
Eyes That Tell a Story
I wonder if my eyes tell the story of my past?
Are my eyes filled with pain and tragedy?
Are my eyes happy or is it a travesty?
Because I can't seem to distinguish between the two.
People always tell me I have beautiful eyes, cat-like eyes.
But I don't see anything beautiful about them.
I can't seem to see anything beautiful in the world because all I see is darkness surrounding me.
Please God help me see the beauty in life.
Please help relieve me of the hatred covering my heart because I want to live happily.
I put a shield over my heart that's blocking me from ever having a pure heart.
I want a new heart, a new mind, one that's clear from pain.
I'm my own worse enemy.
I'm a prisoner of my own thoughts.
I want to be free but my mind won't allow it.
Heart crying and my insides dying.
My eyes are blinded by the many tears that I shed but noone looking, listening, caring, so I want to give up.
The easy way out but that would be pathetic.
No way in hell am I pathetic.
I look to the sky for guidance, for hope, reliance and all the help is out there waiting for me to grab it but my body is slow to react, I feel like I'm in a slow motion nightmare.
I want to give the world my all and shine through the darkness that's surrounding me but my mental block is slowly cutting off sense of reality, drowning in my own sorrow.
Sorrow is my best friend, my only friend.
God help me because sorrow hates me.