today i broke my streak.

my streak of not crying.

but it's ok, because crying

means i can show emotions.

before i just felt nothing.

so it's better this way.

right?

I always broke pencils when I was younger, there were plenty there and I used the broken halves all the time, or taped them back together, it never seemed like a big deal to me.

Then two days ago, in the midst of sleep deprivation and stress, my fingers smoothed over the cheap mechanical pencil rolling on my desk. It started with my hands slowly bending it in half, then the plastic beginning to crack. Releasing the pressure, it returned to normal, white lines spidering like webs over the once flawless blue barrel.

As quick as I could, I snapped it in half, the lead broke with the rest of the plastic casing that was supposed to act as a guard and handle for its user. Now on my desk sat the broken pencil, something that I just couldn’t put back together. First aid was required, masking tape replaced bandages, wound and wound around the broken body. The plastic was stuck feasibly together, crooked but staying together. I slotted new lead into the pencil, but it wouldn’t fit. Once something is broken, it never really works the same way again.

The plastic fell apart, the pressure too much. So it was with black ink and a heavy sigh that wrote out the words upon paper, instead of grey, friendly and familiar lead.

I have this cup.

It is my favourite cup.

It is shaped like a pineapple

And I think this is very fun

A tropical cup to get me through the winter months

Today I dropped it, as i often do (not on purpose) and the plastic green leaves popped right off.

Leaving me without a drink,

A bald pineapple,

And still three more months of winter

My great grandfather abused

my grandpa

My grandpa abused

my dad.

My dad abused

me.

I love my son.

a cactus.

the spine part.

in my foot.

it was sad.

very, very sad.

.......

:(