Lilith from my Sins of the Father series is the character I would want as my bodyguard. Why? Let's just say there are a lot of advantages of having a sexy succubus as your bodyguard. Who would want to harm, little more get into a fight a pretty like her?
Writer's side note: That is in fact a concept drawing of Lilith from my Sins of the Father series. I made it for an art course I signed onto this semester.
#sinsofthefather #succubus #demons #bodyguard
you Call me
Raised From Primordial Slime
Because I Won’t Betray my Kind
Because I Stand Before you Sword & Steel
Because I Break your Bones For Meal
Better To Be Beast Than Men
Look Into the Eyes you Kill
to Stand Alone Upon the Hill
Is my Will
By the Art
H. R. Pufnstuf
(Only because Godzilla is already contracted out for an upcoming movie)
H. R. Pufnstuf would be my bodyguard for a variety of reasons.
First, there is not a single person on planet Earth who could concentrate on hurting me when H. R. Pufnstuf is present. He would draw all attention to himself, leaving me the opportunity to flee a dangerous situation.
Second, using nothing more than integral calculus and a computer, this guy could hide (inside and out) the most amount of ballistic armor the world has ever seen. Even a RPG couldn't take him down.
Third, same reason for volume, different for inventory. H.R. Pufnstuf could carry enough firepower to arm two Third World militias.
Fourth, everybody knows (hint hint, wink wink) that Sid and Marty Kroft used H. R. Pufnstuf as a conduit into the underground culture. As my bodyguard, Pufnstuf gets automatic steet cred. Nuff said.
Finally, short of arriving in the Oscar-Mayer Weinermobile, the Monkees car, or the Batmobile (old school - Adam West years), who wouldn't want to hang with H. R. Pufnstuf? Even if someone beat the stuf out of Stuf, he (and thus I) could claim the sympathy vote for any jury of our peers.
Besides, the dude is 7 feet tall. Two-on-two in the schoolyard and the homecourt advantage goes to me - and the Stuf.
My Protector of Choice
In pondering what fictional character I would want as my personal bodyguard, my first thought was Chewbacca. He's formiddable with his bowcaster and in a friendly game of Dejarik, may rip an arm off an opponent if he loses. Imagine what he'd do to an actual enemy. I might even get lucky enough to visit his home planet of Kashyyyk. However, even if I could obtain his undying loyalty by saving his life or being related to Han Solo (unlikely), I don't understand his language. As having C-3PO follow me around is right out, this lack of communication would be a grave hindrance to our relationship. Finally, Chewbacca stands out too much in the world I live in, as there are no other (obvious) alien species on Earth.
Jason Bourne is a another strong candidate. Who can sense danger like he can? He deals with threats swiftly and efficiently, and avoiding detection is his forte. However, all the precautionary measures he would have me employ would really cramp my lifestyle. Not that I lead an exciting sort of a life, but I would like to continue to go out and do normal things and not just hole up somewhere. But the primary reason I haven't recruited Bourne is that I know he wants to get out of the business. Sure, I might be able to hire him for a couple of years, but I don't want to have to go through the search process all over again. I want someone who will guard me for most, if not all, of my life.
That's why Holly Short, a fairy from the Artemis Fowl series, is an excellent choice. She's still a young eighty years old and will surely outlive me. Captain Short is an officer in LEP Recon, the CIA equivalent of the secret fairy world (where humanity is the foreign country). She's tough, smart, and wicked with a Neutrino 2000. She has magical healing, stealth, and hypnotic abilities, and the techology at her disposal far surpasses what humanity can muster. Short would be an unseen yet highly effective body guard. With her advanced surveillance and detection technology, she wouldn't even need to be with me all the time. Which is good, because she would probably be bored to death without LEP Recon missions to run.
Holly Short is my pick, but I'm afraid I may have trouble securing her. I haven't figured out how to convince her to work for me. Although she values life, why would she be dedicated to the welfare of a specific human being? About the only way she'd come to protect me is if an apocalypse were imminent and only I could save the world.
Ah well, one can dream.
Heaven is the day after Labor Day at the Jersey Shore. It appears suddenly, heralded by a mass exodus of cars and people. In the void, they leave a tranquility broken only by the occasional chirp of sea birds and the rhythmic crashing of ocean waves into the surf. There are no pearly gates that guard its entrance- just a retiree under a wooden booth with leathery skin and a welcoming smile. She wont judge your deeds like St Peter, but she does require $8 and a promise that you wont litter. You might see an old bearded man, but he's more concerned with his metal detector than your sins and the only thing he cares about ascending is the tide. Despite the lack of harps and angels, it is paradise. Close your eyes and hear the sound of the ocean waves rolling in. The salt air clears your mind. You are present, in the moment. You scoop up a handful of warm sand and let it slip through your fingers, marveling at its fine quality. You stare at the majestic osprey riding the warm air currents to its nest. You observe the fisherman, patiently waiting for a bite while taking in the sunrise. The beach is dotted with small children, building sand castles, playing in the waves, giggling. You recline in your beach chair, tip your hat down low, close your eyes, and appreciate the warmth of the sun's rays on your skin. The ocean breeze lightly blows by. Time becomes an illusion as your feet sink into the soft grains. How long have you been here? Hours? Days? One moment blends into the next and you might just stay here for all eternity. Then you hear it. Faint at first. A rhythmic beating- is it your heart? A bass. In the distance a BMW approaches. Through an open window, you see an artificially tanned fist pumping to the beat. The retiree shudders her booth, but it is too late- the gates have been overrun. Once cast out, they have returned. Memorial Day is here. The garden paradise slowly fades into the background, overtaken by sentient flat-brimmed hats and crushed beer cans. Locals can only bide their time til the Fall returns.
For The Love Of Protection
I smirk like the lusty fangirl I am, as I write this, because the alpha woman in me wouldn't accept anything less than the compassionately broken hearted widower and killing machine that is Frank Castle. While there is a part of me that sees value in every life, even the most antisocial and sociopathic, it's vastly outweighted by the part of me that knows the world is over populated and thus overconsuming-- yet more importantly, that believes The Punisher's brand of justice may very well simply be a cosmic balancing.
Making Frank Castle the gardener of wayward, darkened souls, pruning the dregs of society from the earth, a few blackened branches at a time.
It's those beliefs and his skillsets that make him my prime choice as a personal protector, my bodyguard.
Of course, I can't deny those aren't the only reasons. I find him intoxicatingly sexy even when he's not doing anything remotely seductive. I have to admit I'd enjoy watching him-- he probably wouldn't enjoy my level of voyuerism, but I'd be compelled to observe. Soak him in through every emotional and violent spectrum. Likewise, I'm sure I'd find myself looking for any opportunity to steal a kiss of those lips and distract us both from whatever shitshow I'd hired him into, just for a second.
Even Frank can appreciate having a fantasy land to retreat to when shit gets damagingly ugly. He doesn't talk for the sake of talking, nor beat around the meat of what needs doing, from his perspective. Dedicated. Driven. Precise. Loyal.
What's not to want? He can protect me, any time.
|| another_proser ||
My Wellbeing Lies in the Hands of Chance
Well if anime characters were excluded *cough cough Itachi,
and super cool animals weren't included *cough cough Toothless
and @D_Reaper didn't hire Link before me (in my case, Dark Link)
Then there would be a Shaolin Showdown, Rock-Paper-Scissors style,
between Legolas, Spiderman, and Neo (AKA Mr. Anderson)
From Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, and The Matrix, in that exact order.
Aside from being a target for fangirling, Legolas has the archery skill, warrior experience, and the face of an angel-elven version of Link. Not only could he take down the many threats that oppose me, but he could also repel people from the attempt, with his looks alone. They'd be all like, "There's Tai Sensei! Kill heeerrrr [and steal all her games and story ideaaas]" and Legolas would be all like *moves hair behind elven ear* and they'd be all like Bleegghhh/Kuaaahhh/Guaaahhh/Kyaaa <- [death sounds]. Then I'd be all like *hairflips and walks away from a giant meaningless explosion* *(with my beautiful bodyguard)*
As for spiderman, he's my favourite superhero. He's socially awkward like me, and he takes fiends out with speed and style (like me). Plus his face is completely covered, so I wouldn't have to associate him with my fears and anxiety for human interaction. However, I have a serious (tear-worthy) case of arachnophobia...
Yeah, yeah I know what you're thinking, don't even say it, but I honestly don't associate the name spiderman and the word spider together, I never did and never will, there's simply nothing to connect. My problem is... I'm not exactly sure how spiderman handles... spiders... like behind the scenes.What's their relationship like? How would I know? It would have to be my one and only interview question. If he can't kill them, then he's out of the picture. Though I really and truly hope he can, because the idea of Spiderman swinging behind me makes me very happy :D
Then there's Neo. He can fly, he can slow time, go back in time, fist fight, sword fight, spear fight, dagger fight, gun fight, and look badass doing it. He's just too OP, there's no chance of him losing, and he already looks like a bodyguard, I wouldn't be paying uniform expenses (not that I would have, regardless). However, his drug addiction is a nono, the way he takes those blue pills and all-
pfffft haha, no I'm kidding... he takes the red pill. (<-still joking, he's not a druggy) My only concern with Neo is how intimidating he would be. Sure he was once awkward but after the skills came, his awkwardness must have disabled or something. Not gonna lie though, it would be immensely fun to call him "Mr. Anderson" all the time, and he wouldn't expressively show his disdain with that perfect poker face of his. *sigh, it'd be great.
Man, I can't wait.
Strong Silent Type
If Reaper had to pick a body guard Reaper would have to go with his boy Link. Why? Because he’s perfect body guarding material! He’s strong, modest, kind, courageous, and humble. And you gotta give some credit to a guy who can take down giant metal automatons with a swords, and bow. He could blend in pretty easily, is equipped for every situation, and is skilled enough to turn something as ordinary as a mop or a ladle into a lethal monster slaying weapon.
It would be awesome going to an important event and Reaper, going inside with all the other officials is like wait here. All the giant, hulking, intimating body guards of other officials are like “piff get a load of this guy.” Link being too cool for school says nothing. Things escalate until someone makes the mistake of laying a hand on him… and ends up losing it. Reaper comes out to find Link waiting patiently. The other guards aren’t looking so tough anymore. Fellow officials are wondering what spooked there guards so much and one particularly bewildered official wonders why their guard is short a hand. Or maybe one morning Reaper wakes up from a particularly restful night of sleep to find a legion of dead demons strewn across the house. And Reapers like Link! What the heck are all these demons doing in Reaper’s house?! Then Link gives Reaper a look that implies; Nothing… This of course cracks Reaper up. Ha ha Funny man. Grab a broom and help Reaper clean this up.