My son when he was three watching me cut up a pineapple,
“What kind of animals do pineapples come from? Oh, wait, I know porcupines.”
It had been gloomy and raining for days, and we'd been hanging out inside playing games and doing puzzles. My twin 2 1/2 year-old brothers were getting tired of the house, though, and I bundled them up and herded them outdoors. I told them that we were going to run up and down our driveway (which is very long and hilly) 10 times before heading back inside. So we began tramping up and down the driveway. It was one of the last times up that I, with my long legs, got ahead of them as they straggled up, tired of walking, behind me. I stood at the top waiting for them, and finally one of them reached me. Looking up into my eyes as he slipped his hand into mine, he told me, "I'm glad we're done 'cause I ran out of footsteps!"
When I was teaching second grade a wonderful and bright little boy was getting agitated by another student who was making some noise why my little friend was trying to work. Finally exasperated my little guy looked at me and said, "he is working my last nerve."
A 6 year old’s take on current events
I was explaining to my two oldest kids what was happening between Russia and Ukraine. My (at the time) 6 year old son’s response? “Well if you replace the ‘t’ with a ‘p’ his name would sound like Vladimir Poopin.”
I'm not sure if this is real, I just heard it somewhere. A parent was walking along with his young son and happened to bump into a neighbour. The little boy kept staring at the neighbour and tried to look at the back of the neighbour's head. The neighbour was perplexed and asked the young boy "Are you OK little one?Is something wrong?"
The little boy frowned and replied: "My dad said you have two faces but I can't see the other one."
Haha, forgot how to laugh
"If you're Russian going into the bathroom, and American coming out, what are you while in the bathroom?
Yeah, I hadn't heard that one...
Outside with a precocious four year old on a starry night, I pointed skyward and said, "Some say there are patterns in the stars, Orion the hunter, the big dipper..."
Child, interrupting, "You mean constellations?"
Me, somewhat defeated, "Yes."
The stories I could tell you about my nephew when he about five years old and things that would just pop out of that childs mouth...
~ Kindergarten was half a day. He would walk to school with his older brother in the morning, but I would have to pick him up in the afternoon.
One day we were walking home and holding hands. I forced him to hold my hand while walking so that we could match each others pace. He was also a flighty child and I didn't want him to run into the street.
This day he spontaneously speaks up and says, "the only reason you walk faster than me is because your legs are longer and you pick you feet up more!"
Impressed he was able to put that together on his own, I nod, smile, and respond with, "I know."
He looks horrified and says, "how did you know i was going to say that?"
I laugh and shrug, "I didn't. I was just agreeing with you."
"Oh," he says, and thinks about it for a moment. then he looks at me suspiciously and insists, "BUT HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"
By then I couldn't help myself.
"I can read minds."
"I knew it," he mutters, narrowing his eyes.
~I was making him lunch and microwaving him easy-mac. I can't remember why i was in such a bad mood that day but i yelled at the microwave to hurry up. I was just in a mood, ya know?
Well, behind me, sitting at the counter waiting for his food was Jackson.
"Did it hear you?"
My brain totally short circuited. Picture, if you will, the most innocent looking child waiting kindly for his food and asking a frazzled and crazy aunt if the sky is purple.
"Did it hear you?"
It occured to me then that he was talking about the microwave.
"Oh, no, hon. The microwave can't...um...look, i'm just-"
"It can hear me."
With the most serious expression and with unblinking eye contact he said, "it speaks in my mind and i can tell it to hurry up."
I had to leave so I could die laughing. When I told my sister what her son said later that day I almost couldn't get the story out I kept laughing...
These are only two stories....
Jackson had a whole following when he was little on facebook....my sister would just put up the heading: "Jackson Story" and her friends would go nuts.
I love my nieces and nephews. My sisters kids are my babies. They are a riot.
Hey guys, how’s it goin’
Someone I don't particularly like, least my grudges tell me much, was in this discord call talking about ridiculous stuff per usual and get's frustrated by something someone says. He leaves, we continue on the topic, then comes back a minute later saying:
"How's it goin' guys?"
In the most genuine way. Floored me. Still makes me laugh to this day.