Lets take it from the top, shall we?
"Let's take it from the top, shall we?"
"Well it all started when I was in class I could feel it, crawling and moving around inside of me. Like a...Like a parasite that I just couldn't get rid of....It was disgusting."
"So you felt the intense need to get it out?"
"Yes! exactly dr. and people find that so hard to understand. If something was clawing at you from the inside trying to get out you'd want to get it out too right? Right!?"
"Well most people aren't disgusted by their 8-month-old moving around in their belly Mrs. Potts. That's why the...the um...-"
"Yes, Mrs. Potts. That's why the display you put on in front of that room full of kids was so shocking and its exactly why the court sided with your husband to put you in here."
"I could feel it sucking the life out of me..."
"Its honestly a miracle you survived such a traumatic event, self-inflicted or not."
"I'd be dammed if I let that thing kill me..."
"Mrs. Potts I'm afraid you'll be stuck here until you admit what you did was wrong and horrific."
"But I wasn't wrong, and I'll never admit too it."
"Well then, I guess that's that."
"Let's take it from the top, shall we?"
"don't look at me like that,"
"you just hurt my heart and now it's difficult for me to breathe, how do you expect me to look at you?"
"i didn't want to hurt you, i never did. but i couldn't keep pretending, that wouldn't have been fair."
"wait. keep pretending? meaning you've been pretending for a while?"
"i just didn't know how to tell you, this is difficult for me too,"
"difficult for you? you just told me that you don't love me anymore. how can this be difficult for you when you still have the love i have for you? i lost that apparently."
"that's not true, i do love you. i just don't think i'm in love wi-"
"don't finish that sentence. god, please do not finish that sentence."
"im so sorry, i hate that this is hurting you so bad,"
"yeah well, i'm sorry that i wasn't enough,"
"stop. don't say stuff like that. you're everything and more, i just don't feel-"
"enough! stop telling me what you no longer feel because each time you say it, it hurts more than the last,"
"i don't know what else to say!"
"you've said enough,"
"so then what now?"
"wait like, for good?"
"i think so."
The Bridge in Rainfall
"It's a long way down."
"That's kind of the idea."
"Still...Seems like an awfully painful way to go."
"You don't even know me. Why do you even care?"
"I know I don't know you. But I can't really walk away now, can I? I'm involved."
"Yeah, well, you don't have to be. I don't need some rainy day savior. What I need is to be left alone."
"I might be overstepping...but I think that might be the last thing you need. I think that's maybe how you got here."
"And why are you here?"
"I'm going on an adventure."
"What's that got to do with me?"
"Well, you can't really go on an adventure alone, can you?"
"Are you insane? Do you really think I'm just going to get in a car with some stranger? You could be an axe murderer for all I know."
"You're standing on the edge of a bridge. What difference does it make if I'm an axe murderer or not?"
"didn't you see?"
"was it something i was supposed to see?"
"are names and tags allowed?"
"didn't you just say that you didn't know?"
"are you sure this is what i said?"
have you always suffered from this condition or is it recent?"
"do you have to get mean?"
"isn't that something that you're used to?"
"how is it, that you see my habits or habituations as ANY of your business?!"
"Where did Mr. Sourpuss learn a big word like habituation?"
"are you calling me Mr. Sourpuss?"
"does the pope wear a funny hat when he posts videos about behaviorism on youtube?"
"are rethorical questions allowed in this game?"
"is that what you worry yourself about, when you jerk off to pictures of Eyn Rand?"
"if you had such an interest in my sex drive, why play games?"
"who told you i care about such things?"
"do you sometimes look in the mirror and ask yourself how you got to such a sad state?"
"are you trying to be aggressive?!"
"did you ever notice that you never use WH questions?"
"no i don't! i used a..."
"ha! got you!!!!"
"You didn't expect to come here and stay. You came to help your mother with long-term care and extended recovery."
"I know, but I still don't have an answer. I don't have any options after all this time. I suck as a human being! Why is it still like this for me? Why am I not able to figure this out?"
"Look, back in June, you boarded a train to be with your mother for a limited period of time. God led you here under false pretenses."
"Why did you say that?"
"'God led me here under false pretenses.' I can't bear those words. That is so painful and I don't need that added pain right now. Those words make it seem as if God is mean and cruel and doesn't care about anyone or anything. That makes me hate myself even more!"
"Well...? False pretenses means deceit, trickery. I'm in so much emotional pain from this entire year of struggle. To hear that God is cruel and tricks people is cruelty I cannot bear! Why would you say that?"
"Listen, you got on a train thinking you'd be doing one thing, only to find your mother would die. You have to play the cards your dealt."
"Why did you say God led me here under false pretenses? That is harsh and I can't get past those words. I'm hearing you say God acts in sinister ways. Your attitude of belief is bull----!"
"Well, like I said, you have to play the ca...."
"If one thinks God leads people under false pretenses, then love cannot be found!"
I have feelings for you that are more than friendship. And you're in a relationship, so there is nowhere for the energy to go...
[He said that? Oh??? That's not good. I'm so sorry babe.]
[It's legit, the whole point of telling him is so that he can comment on it. And we can move past this... triangle thing.]
You have to... just do things for yourself.
[Wow. This is an adult male?]
[Well I kind of blindsided him with it. I thought he saw it coming, but maybe he didn't]
Okay. Well we can't be together late at night anymore. I really like working with you, but it has to be in the daytime at the coffee shop instead.
[Well you talked to him about it. Good job.]
[Yeah that is so hard, women are just socialized not to say anything. Let the man make the first move, hope he does right by you, get resentful if he doesn't. I'm still shaking.]
I just wanted you to know, I'm withdrawing, but it's not because you did something wrong, it's because you did something really right.
[Do you think he really didn't see it coming?]
[I can't decide, I wonder if he pretended to be surprised to himself and to me so he could act like he had nothing to do with it. But maybe he really didn't know.]
[Yeah well you can say a lot with a little, probably saved yourself a lifetime of shit there.]
what it means to live
“Have you ever been hurt, Madam? And I don’t mean hurt in the physical sense, and I don’t even mean the light sting of a smarting pride. I mean real, raw hurt that becomes a tangible thing inside your chest. It's the kind of pain that makes you feel like you can’t breathe, the kind of pain that makes you rethink every single decision you’ve ever made. It's encompassing, it's dreadful, it's incredibly lonely.”
“Goodness! I’m glad to say that I very much have not.”
“Hm. I’m sorry for you, then, Madam. That is very unfortunate.”
“Unfortunate?! That sounds dreadful! I’m extremely fortunate to not have that kind of pain anywhere in my memory.”
“Ah, but that means you haven’t lived. I pity you for that.”