Silence cascaded upon us like a heavy rain.
Though with nothing to say at the moment—
both, his & her expressions are saying everything we need to know.
Although I, myself & the couple nearby, weren’t enthusiastic about wanting to know anything. That’s when she spoke one sentence. A line so simple… one could never imagine it making the hair on Zack’s arms stand up or anyone’s arms, at that.
“Oh how those god-damn tables turned”, Arlie stated.
That sentence shocked Zack, his eyes grew big & his face contorted, as if he was hit with an electrical current. Not a word was ushered in response to Arlie. Like this wasn’t uncomfortable enough seeing two people argue the way they were, just minutes ago, the moments of silence made it more unbearable. I’m not sure if I should sneak into the shadows of this house & make a run for it or just stand here with the other two people, while they naw at their nails with nervousness.
“Wouldn't you know Zack, I was right… I wished this wouldn’t ever pan out to be true. Every day…I wished this shit was just me creating crazy scenarios in my mind like you tried to make me believe. This whole time you fucking lied. You stole-
Zack interrupted her, “I never stole the amounts of money you blamed me for stealing.”
“I don’t even care about money right now, Zack! What you stole was so much fucking worse. You stole hearts from two different woman. You demolished a marriage… & not even to me, to your poor wife! The fucking worst part about this, you ruined the chance for two innocent babies from being able to see both parents together! Your nephew & your niece, nice cover story! They’re your kids! My dignity is stolen & now I’m the one standing here feeling the guilt for everything that you put your secret family though! All while you lived a double life the past year. You smiled, laughed & truly acted like you didn’t have a whole life in another state. You traveled back and forth from work and it was you going home”, she yelled.
Trying his best to act like he had no idea what Arlie was saying, he shook his head back & forth, “I can’t do this with you. Brent, let’s go. I‘m not getting into her car” he said, as he pointed at Arlie.
Before Zack could put one foot in front of the other, Brent walked towards him.
“Go fuck yourself, Dude”. We might be friends… were friends, but that’s because Arlie introduced us. You can burn in hell for everything she is saying you’ve done.”
Do I look at them? My mind is ready to explode over everything happening. This is what you see on Lifetime movies, not in real life with a friend, I thought to myself.
Arlie’s eyes looked like half moons, glowing with anger as she clenched her teeth together, “See how these tables turned? Well, I hope you find a comfortable place to sit, here or in hell, since you created a forever shit-storm for yourself. I’m just one woman whose life, you stole for a year. I clearly can’t turn enough tables in your life to make… or should I say your two lives to make it equal the pain you caused for two women & the pain you’re going to cause for your children, I’m sure! When karma turns tables, that means you will get what you deserve.“
That’s it, I can’t stand here wondering what I should do. I ran to Arlie, grabbed her arm and walked her towards Brent & Foresst. She was powerless and if I wasn’t holding her by the arm, I think she would have been on the floor.
Her eyes reminded me of two water fountains; the pools of the fountains filled up with tears, just to stream down her face. They kept flowing, as if the water was being recycled, over and over.
“Fore, take her to the car. Brent can you grab Arlie’s stuff from the kitchen, I think it’s on the table or the countertop, while your girlfriend gets her out of here?” I ordered.
I turned around so fast, I didn’t have time to calculate the use of my word arsenal from that point, moving forward. Walking towards Zack, I took one breath in & couldn’t even remember if I let it out. I was pissed.
“You made people…not many people, but some people, actually believe you were this great guy who’s new to the area, who happened to fall in love with a girl that acted one way in public & another way in private. Arlie is who she is, she’s a lot smarter than anyone of us because she figured this shit out. You screwed your self. Arlie & your wife, will find happiness & live a good life when they get over this. You will never be happy. You will never have a good life, since you want to try & live many lives. It won’t be long until everyone finds out. There’s no such thing as secrets being kept around here.”
I turned around to walk away, grabbing my purse off the table I heard him mumble under his breath. I stopped in my tracks about to turn around, but I decided against it. I need to get out of here.
Tailored to withstand the storm that you were.
Laid broken, confused to witness the hate in your heart.
The hands that beat me down, were the hands that picked me up.
The challenge was trying to figure out how to avoid all this hurt.
Paranoid that I’d never escape your inflicted torture.
Shards of glass catching light, that’s all you’ll see glimmer—
Because I don't have hope anymore.
The challenge was trying to believe I had the strength to leave.
Which I did & you tried so hard to make me concede.
I fought to pick myself up & carry the little bit I had left of me.
Convincing myself, I didn't deserve that life or your brutality.
The challenge is, I’m reminded that I’ll never be the person I use to be.
Once you feel hate, it takes over & lives within you, for eternity.
Tears trickling down my face,
as glimmers of hope remind me
of what I overcame.
The challenge is, finding it possible forgive you for your evil deeds.
Tailored to withstand any storm or shortcomings.
Laid broken, I‘m not—
For I will never allow someone to clip my wings.
The hands that pick me up, now hold me lovingly.
The challenge is, ill never forget what you’ve done to me— but, damnit my life is good, finally.
As Fast as Lightning
It all became so bright.
A lightning bolt, Illuminates the sky.
As quick as it came, is as quick as it left.
For a short moment—
it was like looking at the world through another lense.
It reminds me of us.
Just a bout of time, you come back again.
Like thunder and lightning, we’re a catastrophic match.
But that’s just it, until next time
You’re here & then your gone.
It all happens so lightning fast.
Where’s the Key?
It’s almost like an illusion to love someone who loves you—
but yet something stands in the way.
To never get past a certain point after all these years,
after all these moments and memories you’d create.
Between the two, you know in your heart that it’s real.
Just until the world tries to tell you, if you’re not together—
then it’s fake.
Spend everyday with one another,
our connection grows—
These feelings scare us, we run & take a break.
There‘s never closure, we pause this love, knowing what’s at stake.
Forever leaving it where it is.
It’s unfinished, but it’s always there for us—
A life time, you & I—
connected with invisible chains of fate.
Under A Cobalt Colored Sky
Backed against crimson colored brick.
These city lights are blinding, not aiding while I falter—
Ironically, so inebriated
I’m probably just as lit.
Staggering through these vile streets.
Focused on the fact I’m a modern day nomad—
failing to fit in with the fakes, freaks, addicts, morally guided or the elites.
Too many nights I find myself here.
Damning the has beens, what ifs, stockings torn, heels in hands—
alone, wishing to trade the urge for risk, in for fears.
This is a far cry for attention… it’s the opposite in fact. In five years, I’ve lost my father-in-law. I watched my best friend seize to death on life support for six days. The next year I watch my Gram die from being tortured by sickness & cancer. Eight months later, three days before my birthday, my mother is found dead at only 51 years old.
I need to experience the feeling of being lost, physically… rather than mentally. Please, just understand that I need a break. I need silence, rather than chaos. I need to feel the calm of shade, given by trees and not people, so to speak. I need to figure out who I am. To sit and type all day, emptying my mind of the tornado of thoughts, always spinning.
I understand that you may not understand, just know that this is something I need To do.
Venom by words.
Venom by actions, as it’s coursing through vains, building reactions.
Venom by looks.
Venom by spite, all that you spew is stuck between a sense of fight or flight.
Venom by anger
Venom by pity, ultimately creating overwhelming negativity.
Venom by doubt,
Venom by hate, a life that you wasted and cannot be erased.
Villians Aren’t Born, but Monsters exist
Contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t always this way.
Environmental factors froze my heart into place—
my demeanor turned cold with the likes of another ice age.
Eventually all slowly melted, never revealing to be the same.
For this world‘s devilish antics & violence, turned my views into fire & my eyes filled of rage.
Not a single infant, then turned child ever knows the feeling of hate.
Not until they’re pushed around, berated & blamed.
That’s when it happened, too many times I seen blood shed & no shame.
Similar to an hourglass, my innocence, my trust, that love—
fell like grains of sand, over & over with lack of escape.
Villians aren’t born, but monsters exist.
Turning the softest of souls into the harder of stones—
quickly to throw right into glass homes, so you bare the guilt and not them.
Looking back, it’s not hard to see why I am, how I am.
A Prisoner of My Own Mind
In the hands of abuse,
chained to a lifetime of suffering.
For you to feel power & a temporary ego boost.
Imprisoned in what is now my private fucking hell—
each brick you used, my pain produced.
The horrid things that you did, left me forever changed & bruised.
There’s no breaking away when my mind is a prison, no matter how many screws I loose.
Fallen to the ground, begging the devil, god—
I don’t care who, praying & crying for karma to hand you a personal noose.
Flashbacks of your actions that I drown in—
of the physical, sexual, emotional, & mental abuse.
I would sell my damn soul just to have this torture taken from me & given to you.
They say it’s best to speak what’s on your mind.
I must say that I agree, hearts break the worse in the most silent of times.
The eyes are the windows to our soul—
a glimpse of feelings, so hidden & untold.
A bond so close, the thought of it’s loss is why it‘s protected at all costs & enclosed.
Those boxes & containers that hold what we don’t want damaged the most—
always get weathered & erode.
That’s where the problem lies, just like stored away things, feelings eventually become exposed.
Two fools who don’t realize they did the opposite of what their minds promised their hearts, over time.