All I Have
There are not enough hours in this life for me to express exactly how much I love you.
There is not enough time in this universe for me to show you how beautiful you are.
How precious you are, and always have been, to me.
Even if I could bend time to give us thousands of lifetimes together, it would never be enough.
Even if I could freeze time altogether, there would not be words enough to tell you what you mean to me.
But I want you to know.
So even with this short time and these small words, I will find ways to let you know that I care.
I will give you flowers and hold your hand.
I will whisper pretty things so only you can hear.
I will use all my human abilities to give every bit of my affection to you.
And you will always deserve so much more.
The world doesn't like who we are.
They are wary of anything new or different.
But we want to live too.
So we signal each other with colorful symbols.
Beautiful flags that show who we are.
We can't be loud.
They don't like that.
So we will stay quiet.
But we will not be silent.
We will be VIBRANT.
We will be BRILLIANT.
And our stories, our colors, will be loud for us.
soulmate =/= lover
I knew we were soulmates.
I thought we were lovers.
But the two do not always go in hand.
One day she said no more.
One day she decided she didn't love me that way.
My heart broke.
I always knew she would leave me in the end.
But it still hurt.
We were still friends.
You can't rid a soulmate that easily.
But it was not the same.
We couldn't forget the memories.
But we had to pretend we did.
Time makes a difference though.
And now I understand.
We were too alike.
She was one for adventure.
And I fall in love with mystery.
We will always be soulmates.
But now I know we were never really lovers.
moment. in. time.
Waves lap gently at my bare feet.
Cool night air envelopes me in a sweet embrace.
My heart pounds to the beat of the music in my ears.
Dark blue sky.
An icy blue moment in time.
My thoughts drifting like a snowflake on a winter day.
In this moment.
A bend in space and time.
In this moment I am.
Like the waves gently lapping at my bare feet.
Time seems to be stilled as I stare at the clock. Did it usually take this long for a single minute to pass by? Father will be here any moment.
A part of me wishes that I could just fall asleep now and act as if nothing happened. But the logical part of me knows that would be a terrible idea. My punishment would only be worse.
I punched someone and Father saw it. How he happened to be passing by that corner of the town at that exact moment, I have no idea. He was supposed to be at work.
And I was supposed to be at school.
Maybe he didn't know it was me. Maybe he just drove by and didn't look back. That is entirely possible, but I know it isn't the truth.
He saw. The expression on his face proved it.
And then anger.
No, I won't be getting out of this one easy. I won the fight earlier, leaving the boy a bloody mess, but this one will not be in my favor.
"You get what you give."
That is his motto and I know he means it. A rose for a rose. A fist for a fist.
We used to play a game when I was younger and he was a good father. If we weren't together at 11:11 p.m. we would both make a wish. It helped when I was a child because it distraced me from the fact that I felt alone.
Tonight I would rather be alone.
The sound of a key turning the lock fills the silent room. Before he can open the door I make a wish, hoping it's not my last.
"Please let me see tomorrow."
I unfold the thin paper for what seems like the millionth time, a tear spilling down my cheek as I recognize the familiar handwriting scrawled across the surface of the origami heart. All the old feelings resurface, a sudden rush of memories filling my numb mind.
A bright smile when my heart feels like breaking.
Soft fingers gripping my own scarred hands.
Suppressed laughter in my dark closet.
Tears fall silently down my face and onto the bright pink paper in my hands, the words written there becoming unreadable. But my mind keeps reading them over and over.
I love you too.
The first time she ever said she loved me.
The last words I ever recieved from her.
If only I could turn back time. Refuse to open this small peice of paper folded so delicately. Maybe then she would still be here with me. Maybe then I could still have her by my side.
Even if it means I will never again hear those words, I would accept it, if only she were still alive.
My sweet Callie.
"Please take it back, please don't leave me," I whisper.
The heart crumples in my grip.
a look into my mind
"You should totally draw a smiley face on your wrist."
"What? Why would I do that?"
"Just do it."
"It would be really awesome if you yawn and sing the opening song from Lion King AT. THE. SAME. TIME."
"...Why would that be awesome?"
"What is not awesome about that?"
"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt..."
"What if you put your hand in the fire and pretend you are a fire bender?"
"Okay, I'm drawing the line here!"
note: bold = my inner child ;P
Never Coming Back
One year ago.
One year ago you told me goodbye.
Even when I pleaded and cried, asked that one simple question,
you only turned away, a look of pity painting your face.
You never explained and you never looked back.
Even when I was hurting, broken and alone,
you didn't hold me like you used to.
So I decided to let you go too.
I decided I would become a better version of myself and
you would regret leaving me.
Now here I am, happy again.
Even happier than I ever was with you.
And you miss me.
I can see it in your eyes when we talk,
you wish you could take it back and I would love you again.
But I won't play your one sided love game anymore.
I will continue to be happy and revel in the fact that
you miss me.
And I'm never coming back.