I think I am in denial...
denial that you have left this earth and your journey has come to an end
denial that we have lost a family member and a friend,
your memory forever lives in my mind.
you chuckle and everything seems fine wth the world
for a second the worries I had fades away and and I feel whole
you nicknames are forever branded n my brain
you loving kindness, forever will reman
you were truly one of a kind, a character carefully crafted by God to make us smile!
your antics and crazy moments are forever uttered at gathering, and you are right there! even only for a while ...
In my mind I can still see you dancing on your own and singng to golden oldies!
I miss your warmth that came instantly when you walked in a room.
I miss how for all your family you would go to ends of the earth or even travel to the moon.
I miss Saturday shopping trips, and pockets filled with sweets.
and I count the days until we meet.
For now we pretend we will stll find you snuggled up watching crime.
just for a little moment untill we meet again.. until our time
from who I was to who I Am
Growing up I have always heard the words " I was not always this way", I never quite understood this.
Not until now....
During my life's journey I had come across many characters that played a large role in the being I had become. Both bad and good. If I am being honest the bad ones played a much greater role. They had mold me into something I never thought myself to be. I had become more closed off, I think twice before letting in, I smile when I want to cry and when I am hurt, well The little glint that shines with pure evil thoughts shine a little brighter.
I have gone from crying to being numb to not caring and finally to planning the destruction of those that have hurt me.
trust is long lost
As a little girl it was easy to trust, to believe in myths and fairytales.
It was easy to see the light through the darkness in people and times
Funny how that all changes as time grows, People tend to change you. Mold you into the opposite of who you were as a child. making you overthink every situation.
people leave that promised to stay and those close to you often are ones that betray.
I use to trust in everything and anything. But now I can say I love you without having trust. I can say I care without feeling completely feeling safe that you feel the same way too. I can give you all off me while my walls are still standing firm.
A little bit of everything
I am who I was created to be
A one of a kind type of me
Not always fully understood by all,
And never want to feel like I am being controlled
Sarcasm is my forte when anger strikes,
It is the way I warn people off, how I define my 3 stripes...
I am annoying and bubbly when my mind is not over thinking
But most days I prefer to be alone, with my eyes closed and never blinking.
I can be the hidden sun that peeks out its head beyond the grey sky
But I can also be the rumbling of thunder.
I can come off motherly and caring
But, press the wrong button one too many times and I can come off as heartless and unbarring.
Which would you choose?
Masks or walls?
A question I find myself asking more than I should.
But in all honesty I choose both, and that is why I am very misunderstood
I hid behind the smile that never reaches beyond my cheeks, eyes wide open but never seem to sparkle or dance in the moonlight.
I have build these walls around my heart because I no longer carry the will to fight.
People see someone young and inexperienced, and my masks make them beleave this.
Wearing them allows me to hide away for just a moment from my reality. and keeping my walls up keeps safe my mentality.