30%
he'll listen to your trouble
act concerned as if he cares
he'll make the right expressions
and act like he's aware
she'll tell you that she understands
and how she can help you along
she'll make you deep convicted promises
explaining how your worries will be gone
they don't care about your future
they don't care about who you are
when you talk they their minds just wander
their souls are just a carr
light up teal Oct 7
suicide disease
trigeminal neuralgia
worst pain known to man
Oct 7 is trigeminal neuralgia awareness day- areas all over the world 'light up teal' in honor of those who suffer and those who suffer no more.
If you have TN, we are linked by this terrible beast and I will always be here to talk you through. It almost took me, too- before I even knew what it was. You are not alone and the medical community IS making strides for research and treatment. There are people who DO understand, I am one and I am here for you.
six feet away from a better story
Bored with his usual 'peak' fringe intoxication hobbies, he became his own muse. His revelatory near black-out inspiration; he'd be the villain, victim, and hero by his own hand. As he mentally rehearsed his first interview, he handcuffed both ankles to the radiator, gobbled down his last 8 vicodin, then used his teeth to pull zip-ties tighter than he wanted on his wrists. Reaching for his phone, he found the television remote. His eyes snapped up to see it instead, sitting six feet away on the bed. Just as his blood pressure spiked from the pills he realized his mistake.
Good-morning, Monday
The dreams I had last night were off the charts.
Gritty, real, bizarre- but somehow telling of the truth that was distorted into what I was almost being shown as reality in a way.
I woke up a few times, just enough to feel pain and make myself fall back into the dream I did not even want to be having- just to see what was left that I didn’t know.
I knew the humans I interacted with but they were their true selves.
I did not know the humans who attempted to interact with an ignoring me.
There was a house, a table, human traffic through the room, and a story.
A lion that sometimes haunts my thoughts was there, as a man. I recognized him from a distance and he walked toward me. He was a big man, his gate was purposeful and almost aggressive. He looked like the pain I feel in my back- when usually it's my chest that holds the emotions I try and process about him. His hands were big, his shoulders broadly took up the pathway he took towards me. This was so tunnel like and void of any surroundings to tell me how I could feel about seeing him this way.
There was a conversation happening in a house, at a table, people passed through a few at a time- but not noticing the two of us sitting there as he told me a story.
Every time the conversation had a lull, or in times I was trying so hard to understand the divide between how I felt and what he was saying, I would be passed into another scene. One was a stage theater, where a large production was happening, and I kept walking back and forth backstage for some reason- seeing people struggle with costumes, props, arguments over timing and confusion. I was encouraging a young girl to not leave the area- and to participate in the play that was happening outside of the chaos, on the other side of the curtain. There were gory type scenes of argumentation here.
The conversation, in the house, at the table would break my footing with the girl and was now an explanation of truth. I was being told truth by a liar- but I was also watching the truth happen so it did not matter if he was telling me anything, I was watching it.
Another scene I would be pulled to looked exactly like the large open scene in the movie Annie, of 'Daddy Warbucks' large sprawling home. Each person from every part of the dream appeared here in front of me, almost if for inspection and judgement on my part as to whether or not I deemed what I saw in the dream to be how I now felt about the person. I think I was seeing true future forms of each as well as the former lies of their past. In the house passed through the truth, in the theater the liars.
Eventually I stood from the table, in the house, where the people passed by unknowingly in a dream of someone they do not know- but who knows them. When I stood, the story ended and only the Lion knew something had changed. I think he realized I was aware that his story somehow changed something in the real world.
He reached out a massive hand as if to grab me and keep me a bit longer before I woke.
When he touched me, his hand grabbed my chest and he ripped me toward him in the room, though the dream, and each of its components. It was like quickly pulling the table cloth off from under flatware, dishes, and glasses in a violent and misguided trick that only made crashing sounds. All I could think was that I did not persuade that young girl to go on the other side of the curtain. All I could feel was disgust that I had scene all the truth and now it was like he wanted me back in the lie, that he thought he could pull me back to the lie.
I crashed through the opulent room, through the entirety of backstage, through the house where I started, past the table where I was being told a story- and saw myself sitting there with him at the point where I first realized I was in a dream. I turned my head slightly to the left as I passed through being pulled chest first; turning my head again to look forward... there he was again- far away from me on a path walking toward me. I felt my exterior pull away like the cloth from the table as I was placed standing watching the man walking towards me. The crashing of the things formerly all around me with the removal of my exterior blotched together an almost watercolor view of my new perspective. No more room changes, but I retained everything I had viewed and felt. He was terrible looking and yet appealing and I wanted something more from him.
In this moment I lied to myself.
I tried to go back to how I felt before the dream.
I tried to go back to how I felt when it started and I saw him walking toward me.
I looked at his hands and his shoulders- watched his gate and tried to make it different.
His stride made my spine hurt.
Nothing was left in my chest.
As he drew closer I somehow felt he was unsure what was happening.
He saw me. His posture changed. His pace quickened.
I wanted to know what I looked like- but I could only look at him.
No more chances to put myself back to sleep, I could hear the sounds of the day now.
When we were then toe to toe I just looked up at him but I could tell in his face he felt me looking down on him.
Confused we were both stuck on that path.
Neither reached out, or spoke, or tried to do anything.
Was he really dreaming this, too?
I started to feel intense pain in my spine, the cool air from my window and knew I was leaving this moment, that I was waking and it would be gone- that I would not be the same even though all of this was nothing but poor sleep. It was a sad feeling to not be able to speak, so I made myself feel out-loud as hard as I could, incase some how he was really there, too; in this falsehood of reality.
Everything ended except for a few flashes of what I had been shown as I tried to feel something different than how the dream effected me. I tried to emotionally protest what I felt and to over-ride my own understandings... I tried to navigate making him speak. My head started pounding in off time with the pain shooting between my shoulder blades and as his head moved as if to attempt words- again he turned back into the Lion and I stopped feeling anything but pain of waking up.
AI Grandpa in 5 minutes
AI grandpa is not like all the rest
he is 100 and flawless
he can do everything the best
AI grandpa is a vault of all sorts of things
someone taught him every word he says or sings
AI grandpa looks kinda mad
he's programmed to know
to tell you how to be happy or sad
AI grandpa won’t hug you- it's not in his code
mostly he's called 'grandpa'
cause they consider him to seem 'old'
AI grandpa will ignore you
if you ignore him
every interaction
is learning; for him
AI grandpa exists now
he sure looks the part
he has being 'old'
down to a creepy art
AI grandpa will out live you
he won't die or have a stroke
he will also remember everything you do
all the norms that you broke
AI grandpa will continue
with all your human kin
until his finally singularity grandchild
is born as part of him
Jack in 5 minutes
jack's hair was orange like a punkin'
he took him a wife
her name was stella...
tongue sharp as a knife
after all the courtin
the romance settled down
stella kinda found out... he wasn’t silly
he was a clown
so one night after drinking,
a nail or two of wax,
she swung at the man
with an old fireman's axe
right in the temple
the edge found it's home
not strong enough to retrieve it
too weak from the stone
she went to the neighbor's
a real nice guy
went to prison once,
8 fingers
1 eye
she told em what she done
and why she was so pissed
she wasn’t sad
someone you never really knew can't be missed
well he was awful understanding
and he offered her an ear
dug a trench for the body
while she finished a beer
now they been living together for a year now
a year and seven months
with them it was true love- real never turning back
but to make sure they stay romantic,
they named their son jack
(it's October ya'll)
