I awaken with a headache, and fall off my bed. It's not until I'm lying face first on the ground that I realize this is not my bedroom, and I was not my bed, but instead an operating table.
Instead of being in my pajamas I have been changed into hospital scrubs. Like anyone else, I start panicking. After a good few solid minutes of freaking out, I look around in the windowless room. Lit up by the artificial light is a scalpel. I grab it and go to the door.
It's a shock when the door opens easily. Who leaves a weapon and an unlocked door with a kidnapped victim?
The halls are emptied, but seems like it was just recently vacated. I count myself lucky and search for some type of exit. I wander similar and endless walls, until I stab the scalpel into the dry wall out of frustration.
Underneath my stab mark, I notice a piece of paper on the wall, and pick it up.
Memo: 4/18/2333. Attention all workers. Surgery for Subject2O23 must be postponed, for there was an irregularity found. Please make a swift exit ASAP.
I throw the paper down and groan.
Do you want a metal block that does nothing? I have it right here, just for $29.99! Don't have a hammer? Metal block! No plate for a burger? Metal block! Have the co-worker you hate? Metal block!
Call 555-8939 right now, and we'll throw in a mini metal block for just five more dollars!
(Metal Block Corporation is not responsible for any physical damage or lead poisoning received)
Thank You For The Meal
You taste so sweet, so savory too.
I have to feed to stay alive, that's why I chose you!
I won't waste a single bite, don't worry about that!
God I'm feeling so alive, why do you look weak?
I'm asking you to listen, so why won't you speak?
As long as I'm happy and if you don't stop me it's okay.
. . . Why are you content to let me eat?
I'm only still standing because of your meat.
Now you're laying there, skin and bones.
Thanks for the energy, I'm feeling so great!
It's all because of you, filling my plate.
. . . Why am I still so hungry!
I gave my good friend Sammy two necklaces of mine
The first is old and has a patch of space you can spin
The second one is a golden watch that can actually tell time
I made him take them so he doesn't wonder where I've been
I gave Dear Camilla my sweater because she's cold
It's big on her and brightly colored, it's looks very worn
She wanted to return it but I wasn't sold
I'm glad she kept it even though it left her torn
I'm giving you this note by slipping it in your bag
By the time you read this it will be too late
Sorry to do this but I trust you not to lag
Now I'm have to go, because I have a date
The witch in the woods is lonely
In her cosy cottage alone
She brews her potions day and night
Using lizards tongue and frog bone
The witch in the woods is puzzled
When a woman knocks on her door
She wants a potion to gain a lover
So she won't be lonely anymore
The witch in the woods makes an elixir
For the woman so she gets love
The woman hugs and the witch and goes on her way
The witch hopes she finds her dove
He made me scared. The way he would watch me while trying not to be seen. The way he would following, and hope I couldn't tell. I could tell, every single time.
It was obvious that he wanted me dead, or maybe to take me somewhere isolated. Perhaps he never had the guts, and his cowardice only allowed him to watch.
There was never a hair harmed on my head, but his eyes make me want to rip my hair out. That's why I invited his prying eyes into my home that evening.
I treated it like having any other friend over, giving him an abundance of drinks and making small talk.
Not longer after, his words were slurred when he asked where the bathroom was. I got up and walked him to it.
The bathtub was already filled and plugged up, so when I opened the door and shoved his head into water, the nice shirt I was wearing got soaked.
Of course he struggled. His arms tried to bend back to scratch him, and his attempt to lift his head failed as I refused to remove my hand from his hair.
Even after he stopped struggling, I kept his limp head under the water for five more minutes until I checked his non-existent pulse.
I left him floating face down in my bathroom, and went to change.
I'm sorry that the moon said goodbye last night.
But at least when it leaves, it has the freedom of flight.
Don’t Eat Raw Meat
He always seemed to be hungry. No three course meals or store bought snacks could make Ruben feel full. The emptiness in his stomach could be borderline painful.
When the dead started rising and eating the living, Ruben didn't really care. He just wanted to eat.
After hiding alone inside his apartment for two weeks, there was no more food. He grabbed his largest kitchen knife and went outside.
His plan was to go to the nearest grocery, take us much as he could then return home. But the store was empty. So was the next store he tried, and the one after that.
After running all day and avoiding zombie attacks, the hunger pain became too much. He slumped into an alley, ready to be torn apart and devoured.
Ruben then noticed the body next to him, previously hidden by the way it's burnt flesh blended into the shadows.
It was someone recently killed, their skin smelling similar to cooking burgers on a charcoal grill. The comparison made his stomach growl.
He looked at knife in his hand then back at the corpse. Ruben shrugged, and crawled towards it. After all, everyone else was doing it.
Uh oh, you messed up!
She was dead, and it was all our faults. The three of us stared down at Marlene's limp body that day, her blood staining her dyed hair.
We made sure no one knew what we did. Maybe that's why it's shocking, getting her red stained blue hair in the mail.
Stings, doesn’t it?
Okay, as soon as they open it, bam! They get hit with one of those boxing gloves on a spring.
That's not all though. As soon as the glove hits, a bunch of killer bees fly out (not honey bees, as they are too nice), and go to their target.
When the thief is on the ground in pain, I will then open a window and pour hot soup on them.