I don’t know who I am
I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m stuck. Part of me so desperately wants to get better, to heal. But I’ve gotten so used to the depression, the sadness that it’s become comfortable. I know it like the back of my hand. I know what to expect and I’m scared to get better because I have no idea what to expect.
Dear God, I'm drowning in my tears,
I've fought my fears for many years,
But yesterday was naught but dust,
And I long for more than just a must.
I plead for the heavens to open,
Allow me in your sacred place,
Where all burdens no longer trace,
And all I see is your smiling face.
When I feel your warm embrace,
I see the trees swaying in delight,
And your loving arm holding me tight,
Letting me know I'm not alone in this fight.
Oh God, take me to your heaven,
For I've endured many scars,
Yet, you never left me behind the bars,
Where I suffered silently all night.
Dear Lord, I'm sinking in the sea,
As the currents drag me deep,
But my dreams are still alive and free,
For I know you'll always keep.
Save me from this drowning grace,
And hold me in your loving embrace,
Where the stars and skies align,
And the storms cannot confine.
My depression cannot match the stormy sea,
For the waves no longer hurt me,
God is by my side, and always will be,
As no typhoon can keep us down, we'll always be free.
Across the stormy seas, I never feel alone
For Bible revelation speaks to me
The light of the sun and moon still shines
Guiding me towards the gates of heaven.
I long for peace and serenity
Take me to your love, oh Lord above
Like mountains that move with grace and ease,
I am no longer lost in this lonely world.
As God's heaven opens up to me,
I find the truth I have so longed to see
Where heaven welcomes me with open arms,
And I am home in God's sacred realm above.
Proverbs 17:9 - To Forgive For Real (Bible Journal)
"Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends (Proverbs 17:9 NLT)."
This Proverb makes so much sense, yet our human nature clings to mistakes that those we love made, and we cling on to our own failings too. I agree that love could really flourish if we forgave the hurts between each other, and God modeled this perfectly by sending His Son to pay the cost for our sins so we could be with Him forever, with those failures never being held against us by our heavenly Father. It truly is beautiful how much God really does love us, and it would be incredible if we could approach our loved ones with forgiveness that also doesn't rehash the faults made against us. This is also worth practicing on ourselves when it comes to reflecting on our own mistakes we have made.
Thank You Lord for Your eternal forgiveness, and for the reminder that I need to work on doing the same for those that You have entrusted me to love and care for. Please help me to be better at forgiving without reminding those I love what I have forgiven. Please help me to also approach my own shortcomings with these same practices. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Walking through the hallowed court,
Steadfast towards the ultimate truth sought,
Sparked by justice and righteousness,
Unraveling falsehoods like quicksand's distress.
Isn't it enough to spill all the tea?
Speaking truth, no more hiding, no plea,
When all eyes on you, standing there afraid,
Sweaty palms and heart pangs, silent trade.
Yet, those who honor and keep secrets,
Promised innocent lives, no regrets,
Lawyers fought for prescribed justice,
Battling to free what lies in darkness.
Aiming for the truth, waiting for revelations,
Can't hide lies beneath ancient coffins' foundations.
The truth shall set you free, no matter how contrary,
Emotions and adrenaline, the veins' coronary.
Dressed in uniform code, a pretty necktie,
A Good lawyer doing the right by,
Telling all truths and putting up a fight,
No more hypocrisy and media delight.
Only want the truth out of you,
Breaking rules and laws is done,
Life's shades of black and white,
A better outcome—only truth in sight.
When all that matters is speaking the truth,
Righteousness comes into full view,
The evidence, the pieces, all connected,
Justice served, all rights now protected.
I want to curl up in my chair and cry. That obviously isn't an option for the President of the United States, especially on live television.
Proverbs 10:8 - Ready To Learn, Once Again (Bible Journal)
"The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces (Proverbs 10:8 NLT)."
It has been a while since I have written one of these. It has been equally long since I have read the Bible journals of others too. I can justify my absence by saying that I have been stressed and tired from life, but at the end of the day there is probably plenty of counsel and knowledge that I've been passing up on. When I do commit to Bible journaling, I not only gain from the words of Scripture and from the words of those whose reflections I read, but I also have moments where God speaks to me through the writing process, and I gain insight that I wouldn't have found from anywhere else. So I am making a vow to write journals at least once a week, ideally more frequently. And I am going to also spend more time reading the journals of others to keep learning as I get myself back into the writing habit.
Thank You Lord for always being here and ready, even when I get distant. Thank You for the timeless wisdom and guidance that You always have ready for me. Please help me to take advantage of this opportunity You are offering, and help me to be disciplined to read, write, and learn from You, along with those You are calling to teach Your Word through their writings. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
I Don’t Like This
If someone told me that I would be surrounded by an alien militia that mistook my best friend and I as space war criminals, I probably would have thought they were crazy.
Beneath the beauty of a rose
I hold memories of you so dear,
I longed to please you, make you smile,
But you knew not my every fear,
And for years I hid them all the while.
You were a rose with thorns so sharp,
Imperfectly perfect in every way,
As I faced battles with a heavy heart,
Your thorns cut me every time I'd sway.
I yearned for your love, to be let in,
But you cut me open and shut me out,
Not allowing me to see beneath your skin,
Hiding behind petals, so very devout.
I gave you everything, but you turned away,
Choosing to ignore my every plea,
I fell apart like leaves turning brown and grey,
And knew deep down you were no longer meant for me.
You were my only red rose so rare,
But I was only your fool to play,
I'm not the rain falling from the air,
You watched me fade, day by day.
Your red rose changed my life forever,
But it has also broken me apart,
I'm no longer your captive, never,
As you slowly wither and depart.
Our life together has come to an end,
You no longer see me in your sight,
And though you replaced me, my heart won't bend,
For I know we're no longer meant to be.
The Last Cigarette
Exhausted by stress and steeped in drama,
He lit up a cigarette,
As the smoke dissolved, so did the pain,
His life was bleak, searching for answers in vain.
He listened to gospel songs, wishing for change,
Wishing to be a better man with dreams still in range,
But all his hopes had died, he lost everything,
Until he called on God, answered by angels with feathers in their wing.
God doesn't treat you like a life sentence,
Even sinners can be blessed with omniscience,
The song "Jesus Take the Wheel" was playing loud,
He cried out for change, he was alone in the crowd.
His prayer was answered, he was saved by grace,
To be a better man, to start a new race,
Life has its challenges, but don't let them stop you from growing,
Mistakes are lessons, learn from them, keep on rowing.
He knelt down to pray and light his last cigarette,
Hoping to break free from addiction's debt,
For there is light at the end of the dark road,
And God will light the way if you carry your own load.
He walked to the tree, where the river flows,
Recalling his baptism, where he made his life's vows,
He threw his last cigarette, and asked for forgiveness,
In the church, he found redemption, his soul was now fearless.
He was no longer the man he used to be,
With God by his side, he had found his destiny.
The Power of Music and Its Truth
Every song tells a story;
Of broken hearts, healing, and uplifting spirits,
Once a saint of God's grace,
Now a sinner, prone to mistakes, and disgrace.
Living in a home of abuse,
Isolated, lonely, shattering dreams and hopes,
God never seemed to be there,
I blamed Him, but music became my saving flare.
I listen to songs like scriptures,
Preaching to me, that God never leaves,
A sacred radio that saves my soul,
Each preacher telling stories, like songs that move, word by word- a console.
Dear God, what's next?
A song that tunes the Holy Spirit as He lives in me,
My church is like music for every truth and emotion embodies,
I never leave its premises, for I know He's watching over me, speaking to my soul endlessly.
My church is music; for it lives in me,
Afraid of death, but music never dies,
Life has meaning like a song carrying energy of faith and hope,
Bringing joys, range of emotions with every tune.
Churches, preachers, and sermons never get their moment to shine,
Like songs, for every song with a story to tell is indeed divine,
The power of music is that it needs no spiritual assistance,
It's my home, sheltering me from pain with no distance.