Dead to me(A.I.)
"We're not experiencing love in the same way. You're trying to make our relationship work, but I'm not concerned if you wake up or not because the pain I feel is completely different.
Dead to me
We not the same love.
Here you are tryna make it work love
& the pain is so different, I’m not caring if you wake love ..
I’m rescued and I’m loved, I bloom so freely, I thrive.
I outgrow my home.
New home, I bloom, I thrive, I’m green, I’m happy.
I’m Green, and I’m brown.
I’m different not like my brothers, I’m green, but I’m brown.
I bloom, I’m green, but now again I’m brown.
I eat, I drink, I’m Bloom.
I produce new ME’s, I’m gifted beautifully, but I am not who I use to be, I’m brown.
Beautifully, big new home, I bloom so green, but then all over again I’m brown.
My home, fresh new stakes, but I’m brown.
Ripped from new my home, and inside the walls uninvited guest.
Who allowed you into my new home?
My beautiful home?
Wait …. What’s in me?
Paint in my roots, my home is killing me!!
Paint in my roots and pest in my food, I’m brown.
Showered in loved, new food, new home, trimmed and divided.
I don’t want to be brown.
Please new home, don’t make me brown.
You make me betray everything about me. I am the perfect storm, gorgeous, smart, whitty and a force to be reckoned with, when angered. You have the ability to ignite and extinguish me in one action. You make me, you've made me, question the limits on love, and reality. You taught me love has no limits. Your love terrifies me, there is fear in this love. I know what love shouldn't be, what is, and can be. I know it can latch on, hold tight, as you slowly descend. I'm scared of what I wouldn't do to prove it, to have it, to feel it, to feel you. I know better, I know I'd never hurt you, hurt your love, hurt what you love, hurt who you love, but I also know, I can't control this love.
Ebony, with an Ivory smile. God understood the assignment with you, He didn't substitute, skimp, save or leave anything on the table. The chocolate that drowns you, that surrounds you, that engulfs you, can not be described as perfection, but only as Godly. Men in my opinion, can only be described as beautiful under certain circumstances, it exudes from them, it shines through their smile, reflects in their skin and transfers in their touch. Beautiful in a man, is not only visual, it's an aurora, it's magnetic, it homes in the eyes, and attracts the soul. This is not an attainable trait, this is a gift you're born with. You may wonder how you attract people, the beauty that escapes you, pulls one in, and I'm your leech.
This is not an ordinary love, it's not one that can be swayed or turned off. It has never ceased to exist, and has always picked up where it left off. It makes you want to be that fly on the wall, to watch you navigate the world and your space, to watch you do nothing more, than breath. This love is heavy, leaves no room for doubt, I wish would creep in. It overwhelms, its intensity requires breaks, or else would consume me, my thoughts would eat me. It makes you understand how, and when, it all can be put on the line, but somewhere in it, it holds fault. Cause it shouldn't exist, how can you love and yet hold so tightly to another's love, it not only clouds judgment, but it removes any ability to hold oneself accountable.
The submission you command in me, lets me know that it can never be forced out, by anyone, who does not deserve it. It’s second nature, the inner you, calls out to me, and baby I cum. I will walk the soles of my feet raw, to trail in your footsteps. I will drink the sweat off your brow, while you work, to make me understand how no man can ever know my body the way you do. Your masculinity doesn't need to be asserted, it's in every ounce of your being, it's understood. No one should command so much attention unknowingly.
The minute my eyes see your smile, and my lips taste your skin, I'm there, nothing else can live in that moment, but you. The pull is more than my heart could ever resist. I'm breathing your air baby, I breathe you. My heart has begun to function in lieu of my brain, and my body begins to rain. I'm fighting a full out storm, between my thighs. And to you this may be a complete turn on, but my body has betrayed me, to please you. When I tell myself, I don't want this, I don't want you, it reminds me how much your love fuels my heart. It reminds me, I'll never love like this, and feel this much pleasure in one man, and then I'm yours all over again. All I need is you inside my body, for you to fill up the space that fits you so perfectly. Slide into what you created, into who desires you most. I want the flashing under my eyelids, your tender touch, your lips all over my body and your love, so deep inside mine, it erases all common sense.
Regrets, not in this world, not with you, never with you.
My feet don't want to move, but I know I have to go.
Self soothing ain workin no more.
I can not soberly survive this.
I'm not me.
I am drowning in my guilt an regrets.
I can not endure this load alone, its to heavy
The under simulation is strangling me.
The blind eye is dimming me.
I cant be me.
I knew, I know. Idk how to start over
And I keep digging the ditch deeper, a canal now.
Needed but not wanted, wanting, but never getting what's needed..
It's a wanting so intense it misleads, the realization that your love was fiction, a smothering reoccurring fiery pain, burning on and off inside your chest, creating a sea of nausea, mixed with tears.
Love is so different & yet we do not get it.
I love you so different and yet you are so different .
not conformed, but necessary, without limits.
in time, required, I’m sure you will expire.
So when I'm living in poverty and dying in streets
And barley have food to eat, you'll be blind to this?
I'm lazy, undisciplined and to your daughters, once you find out, they’ll say I’m a rapist.
Bring me into the world, right?
A world, where you'll make deals, to throw me away behind closed doors.
Then deny me housing, even when I've pulled myself up from being poor.
Pulled myself up from the boots straps, of the boots I never had.
Then laugh in my face, when I f*** up, say it because I’m fatherless, but that same circle took away my dad.
And you want to throw around God in the middle of this,
Like he has never killed babies using violence.
So when I'm in the wrong place, at the wrong time, now I'm dying.
And my mom’s crying.
And clearly, I was lying... I deserved that.
Racism, capitalism, gun control, poverty, education.
All the things that need attention.
Let’s be honest, they don’t care about black babies, and that more of their mothers die in labor.
They aint worried about black babies, this is about controlling ladies!!!
Let’s drag the blacks in the middle of some more shit, they have nothing to do with.
Our babies been dying, been DEAD!!
You just want to force all women, so more of yours will be born, live and thrive instead.
Black lives matter, no matter how many abortion happen.
Don’t take one issue and entangle it in another.
Don’t attempt to place another thing, on the shoulders of blacks and black mothers!!
you taught me.
I knew when I met you, I corny ass knew, that it was you.
And when I think about it, I blush through a smile.
I waited a whole year to hear you.
What if you were my pause, what if I had stopped, or slowed down long enough to know love could feel like this.
Love you correctly.
Untainted, easy, unrestricted, not guilty.
If I had paused for you, would you too?
To far gone
I‘d create the biggest toilet you could imagine.
I‘d lift the earth, drop it in and flush.
to far gone..