you breath. you exhale.
you learn. you try.
you smile. you frown.
you thrive or die trying.
How are you today?
The one question seldomly asked,
I fear I do not say.
You better not be fine.
the answer often chosen
to escape the so many
variable that could be
hurting when the equations
are evenly arranged.
I can't tell you what to say.
'Cause I do not know
if the questions are well framed.
Sincerely from the bottom
of my heart,
I hope today
was not like every other day.
Being sad is to expect things not to change.
When they do change,
hope showers it rays
with a smile on your face.
“rainbows are visions
but only illusions
and rainbows have nothing to hide.”
~ kermit the frog
I'm 21 and I need to figure out a character arc for a bloated demon that hoards christmas decorations. This is real.
As we lay in the bed with her back to my face,
We have never been more distant with a picture of disgrace.
She don't look in my eyes anymore.
She glimps at me, then looks at the floor.
A love I thought I had for a never-ending lifetime.
Died and showed no remorse of any kind.
I tried to replenish it, restore the luster.
She's here but not here, just a body under the cover.
At first, I thought depressed, a world of her own.
But, I tried to sex her, but she wanted to be left alone.
No interest in me anymore, or her surroundings.
Her conversation with me was faint yet astounding.
I was told a medication will help her in the end.
But I know all the medication in the world will not make a lost relationship mend.
I pray to my lord above to help me understand.
But as the days move on, I can see it's out of his hands.
I have never been so alone than I am with her here.
I feel the tension between us whenever we are near.
I have never been in this kind of situation before.
So I don't know how to help it restore.
Is it best to move on and never look back?
Or is it better to wait and give it another wack?
The time away from two lovers usually is mended with strength and eternity.
But the time between her and I caused severe damage and that's a reality.
It's said that "only time will mend a broken heart."
But how do I know when to give up or when to start?
How long do this hell supposed to take place?
How long will she lay with her back to my face?
all i want
is too snuggle every day amongst other things as well.
I’m not sure you like me
and that’s ok
fine line between love & hate, see?
It’s rarely any other way.
You admire my spirit
how it sparks and shines
then secretly covet,
Your eyes skim my body
i know what you need
chemistry is never our problem,
in truth it's your greed.
Driven by ego
you punish & shame
hurling insults like snowballs,
seeking others to blame.
There once was a time
i’d make efforts to conceal
my soul in its prime,
so you could feel.
Those days have passed
i’ve uncovered the truth
free at last,
toll paid with my youth.
I’m not sure you like me
and that’s ok
I never needed you anyway.
I don’t have you anymore
I always felt I loved you more than you loved me
Left my free time open for you
Disappointed when you made other plans
I would start arguments for no reason
Then you decided you didn’t want to deal with me anymore
I just couldn’t trust you when you said you loved me
It’s my fault I don’t have you anymore
are you sure?
are you really
it just happened
I̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶’̶v̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶
something that did just because
i̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶
what’s the word... an accident?
o̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶k̶n̶u̶c̶k̶l̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶s̶h̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶b̶l̶e̶e̶d̶s̶ ̶p̶a̶l̶e̶ ̶
it’s funny the things you forget
w̶h̶i̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶m̶o̶s̶a̶i̶c̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶r̶a̶g̶e̶d̶y̶ ̶
and the ones you want to but somehow uninvited
f̶o̶l̶d̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶r̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶s̶p̶a̶s̶m̶ ̶r̶e̶g̶r̶e̶t̶s̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶’̶t̶
change can’t come sooner to them than the things
k̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶h̶o̶l̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶n̶t̶o̶,̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶e̶s̶t̶a̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶l̶o̶o̶d̶
we want to hold onto, like what we had
d̶r̶i̶p̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶r̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶p̶a̶l̶m̶s̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶
or what we have now, and I’d rather
b̶l̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶r̶o̶s̶e̶
bury my head underneath throw pillows and a
I̶’̶m̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶f̶u̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶c̶o̶l̶d̶,̶ ̶t̶e̶e̶t̶h̶ ̶g̶l̶a̶s̶s̶e̶d̶,̶ ̶d̶i̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶
teethed blanket to shadow my eyes, to play me a tune of
u̶n̶d̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶c̶o̶a̶l̶ ̶i̶n̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶r̶i̶b̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶
“time heals”, and lie to myself again and again
a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶I̶’̶m̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶g̶e̶d̶,̶ ̶b̶r̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶
until the sun dies and the universe collapses
l̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶v̶e̶n̶’̶s̶ ̶b̶a̶r̶c̶o̶d̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶r̶c̶h̶e̶s̶t̶r̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶e̶t̶e̶r̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶d̶a̶n̶c̶e̶
reminding me that maybe time doesn’t heal
a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶,̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶l̶‘̶s̶ ̶s̶p̶o̶t̶l̶i̶g̶h̶t̶s̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶r̶e̶,̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶I̶’̶l̶l̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶
time makes it easier to forget
not to blame
it's not your fault that i have abandonment issues
because my father left before i was born, to start a new
family that i would not be welcomed to be apart of.
so im sorry if i get sad when you leave or get
nervous when you dont talk to me for few days
because i'll start to think you dont want to stay, after all
what man would stay if my own father wouldnt?
please dont think it's your fault that i have trust
issues because the lover that came before you laid his
head on my chest and listened to me talk about how afraid
i was of being left broken hearted my a man once again, all
while he was deciding that i was pretty enough to fuck
but not good enough to mean it when he said he
loved me too.
i wouldnt want you to think it's your fault
that i cry when youre upset with me or silent
for too long because i start to over think and tell
myself that youre just going to fade away when things
get difficult because im too much to handle
too sarcastic, too much attitude, too sensitive