Put on your headphones
and enter into a world
any one you choose
right up in your face
I'm banging on the door
and all over the place
I just want a connection
a human touch
a word, a phrase
I'm not asking for much
We could talk
we could be friends
together we would laugh
and be ourselves again
But addiction has you
pulling you away
controlling your mind
the lies grow everyday
I wish no one gave it to you
it took away my dreams
of living with connection
it is pulling you from the seams
You're so young
your mind is to mold
There's so much I want to tell you
before you grow old
I just want to communicate
But it's the screens of today
that seem more important
than what I have to say
So I will keep trying
and I will hope and pray
that one day you will disconnect
so we could connect someday
I can see you,
through the glass
you're right there
I put my hand to it
but I can't touch you.
we are so close
yet miles apart
so I bang on the glass
and I scream your name
and your monster laughs
we both punch the cage
pounding over and over
in hopes of it shattering
but the only thing that breaks
are our hands
and our hearts.
I come to the cage
and we fight it
give it all we got
but every time we make a dent
your captive fills it again
it is a monster
and you are it's prey,
But I pray
that one day
we will break the cage
leave your captive
and step into the day
though we be
bloody and bruised
and I could finally reach you
but until then
you're a prisoner to a monster
they call him, depression.
Clara’s Story Part 3
Clara crept away from the building, she had to go back, and the woman, no matter how kind she was, wouldn’t understand. When she judged she was far enough, she broke into a run, finding the woods that she had fled from her captors through. She grew tired quickly, too quickly for her. A few of her wounds had reopened, they would certainly find her now. Her breath came in quickly, and she found a spot to stop. It was hidden in some bushes. She pushed her way through and sat down, evaluating her options. She sat only for a few minutes when the bushes started to move, and Clara jumped to her feet. A head popped through the bushes, followed by a small body. Amelia, the girl from earlier, was standing there.
“Don’t tell anyone,” Clara instantly said, keeping her voice low, “please,” she added.
“But, Mother will be worried,” the girl protested,
“Look, you don’t understand, okay, I have to go back, alright?” Clara pleaded, “Go back to the orphanage, and forget about me,” she said again, Mia looked unconvinced. “Please, don’t tell anyone you saw me, alright? That’s all I need you to do,” Clara asked again, emphasizing every word.
“But, mother will be worried about you, you can’t just leave,” Mia tried again.
“Look, I am practically an adult, okay, I can take care of myself. If mother asks, then you tell her that, okay. But only if she asks.” Clara waited, biting her lip and staring at the little girl before her. Finally, the child nodded.
“I will go,” she said, and then she was gone.Clara waited a few minutes before heading out in a different direction. She then turned back to the path that she was on, and kept running further into the night.
“Make sure that no one goes outside alone, you know the rules. And be sure to get the little ones down for their nap time.” Autumn carefully instructed Johnathan as she prepared to leave.
“And, where will I tell the kids that you are going?” Jonathan said.
“To pick up another child, it’s partially the truth,” Autumn said.
“The older ones will figure out that you are going after Clara,” Jonathan said.
“Then let them know that they are not to tell the younger children, I don’t want to scare them.” Autumn responded, then glanced around the room. It was still dark out, and the children were all asleep in their beds, all but one. She had to double check all of the rooms, but she had counted all the heads quietly, there was someone in each one. Mia was still awake, but was pretending to be asleep. She only snored if she was pretending. Autumn shrugged and moved on, she was losing time.
“Send this to officer Randy,” she instructed Jonathan, handing him a note, and then she left. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she took her second form. As a wisp she could transform and become shadow-like, and she could move quickly. She didn’t know how long Clara had been gone for, but it was at least a few hours. She could have reached the docks by now if she had found a faster mode of transportation. She traveled down the path, searching. But she didn’t find the girl, she kept searching. Rushing over the trail, wondering if the youngster had gotten lost in the woods. Then she saw it, off to the side, barely visible and well hidden. She could see the poor souls on board, chained to the ship itself, she heard a child crying, then a man shouting at them. She had found the slave ship.
She clutched her side, and slowed down. She couldn’t keep running like this. She kicked the ground and grunted,
“Why am I so slow?” she asked herself, but she knew. She wasn’t fully recovered from her ordeal, and she had moved too soon. “Don’t stop now, they will get away if you stop” she said, and gritted her teeth as she walked forward.
She must have been walking for about an hour, when she heard it, someone else was on the path. They would surely recognise her as someone who shouldn’t be on the road. Trying to stay casual, she looked behind her, pretending to look at the stars. But she saw no one. She had time to get away, time to hide. She ran, trying to find a good spot to lay low. There! A large tree with a hole on the other side, and she had almost missed it. She slipped into it, and drew into the shadows, waiting for whatever was approaching to pass. She didn’t have to wait long. A man was walking hurriedly down the path, staring at the ground. He looked up quickly, scanning the horizon, then kept walking, looking at the dirt. As he drew closer Clara held her breath, not wanting to be found. Then she couldn’t see him. He must have moved on, must have passed by her hiding place.
“What are you doing?” Said a low and intimidating voice. Clara’s heart leapt to her throat, and pounded furiously. The man stood in front of the tree and stared right at her. He was young, a little older than Clara, and wearing an officer uniform. He held out a rope.
“What are you doing here?” the man asked again, Clara averted her eyes. “Fine, come with me,” he said. Clara stepped out from her hiding spot. “Hold out your hands,” the man demanded, Clara obeyed, and was quickly tied up. She was then led back up the path, away from her destination.
Autumn didn’t hesitate, she wasn’t afraid. She rushed at the ship, and attacked. Punching, kicking, elbowing, biting, everything she could. The guards never stood a chance. They fell before her one by one, they barely even saw her before she came at them. A few bolder fighters came forward, and used their whips against her. They only scored a few hits before she came at them. She was now bleeding in a few spots, but she ignored it, and continued at the slavers. She didn’t stop until the last one fell, they were all either dead or unconscious. It was over before it had really started. She then rolled her eyes, and turned back to her solid form, examining their cuts. Those enslaved cheered, seeing their freedom. Autumn smiled at them.
“Is there a girl named Clara here?” she asked them. A male centaur stepped forward. He was muscular, but thin, too thin.
“No, but there were a few new additions recently, and I don’t know their names. They are downstairs,” the man said. Autumn nodded her thanks, then moved downstairs, searching. Below Deck it was dark, and there were others there, in cells. They pulled away from the bars, away from her. She walked up to one of the cages.
“You’re okay now, I am here to set you free,” she said, which was greeted with a round of cheers. “Now, does anyone know where the key is?” She asked, turning around to see some of the other cells. The other prisoners had approached the bars. Some were holding the bars, others were just smiling.
“Over there,” said one voice, “by the captain's quarters.” Autumn hurried over and grabbed the keys, and began unlocking the doors, one by one. She searched among the faces for Clara, but didn’t see her.
“Where could she be?” she wondered.
Clara sat in the room, staring at bars in the cell and sighed. She stood up and began pacing, her hands fidgeting with the new bandages on her wounds. She sat down for a moment, then got back up again a second later. She was still pacing when she heard it, the opening of the outer door. A man walked in, different from the one who had captured her.
“Come with me,” he said gruffly, opening the rusty door. Clara quickly followed him to another room. The man who had brought her in earlier was standing there, watching. His hands were crossed against his chest. “Have a seat,” he gestured at one of the chairs in the room. They stared at each other for a moment, then Clara looked away.
“Are you alright?” he said with a sudden kindness. Clara blinked, taken aback.
“Yes, I’m fine,” she replied. He nodded, then continued on.
“Okay then, I have a few questions for you,” he began, “what is your name?”
“Clara,” she replied.
“Do you know why you are here?” he said.
“No, sir, I wasn’t doing anything illegal, I don’t know why I was taken in,” she explained.
“You are here because you demonstrated suspicious activity. So, why were you hiding in a tree?” he stated.
“I was, or at least I thought that I was being followed. I didn’t want to take a chance of being kidnapped, so I hid,” she said, biting her lip.
“So you were traveling?” the man said.
“Yeah, like I said, nothing illegal, just traveling,” Clara let out her breath a little.
“Where were you going?” he asked. Clara met his eyes, barely.
“To the docks,” she said truthfully.
“And where did you come from?” he inquired.
“Um-I came from the next town over,” she said hesitantly, her thumbs rolling around each other quickly.
“What were you going to do when you got to the docks?” he leaned back in his seat.
“I was going to look for a family member of mine. We were separated, and I heard a rumor that they might be there,” she said, still keeping eye contact.
“I see, and where did you get those marks from?” he said, Clara again bit her lip, and dropped her eyes, silent.
“Were you enslaved?” he asked, again, no answer.
“Clara, did you happen to have escaped from an orphanage recently?” he said, leaning forward. Clara’s eyes widened.
“Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe I know your story. You were enslaved, and you just escaped.” he paused, looking for confirmation. “You have not corrected me yet, so let’s move on. Autumn found you with a knife on your side and chains on your hands. She nursed you back to health, or at least was trying to when you decided to leave. Then, when you heard pursuit, you hid, until Junior Officer Imela found you hiding and took you in, and that led us here,” he said, gesturing to the officer behind him. Clara stared at him.
“You are correct, now, can I go?” she said carefully. The officer shook his head.
“I am going to keep you here until we find Autumn and decide what to do with you,” he said.
“You can’t keep me here!” she said hysterically, standing up.
“You are a child, meaning that, legally, I can keep you here. Now sit down, child,” his voice softened a little. Clara sat. “Now why did you run from the orphanage? They took you in, treated you well, healed you, and you left. Now, I get it, you have someone or something that you feel like you have to pursue. Something that you left behind. But you are a child, and an Atoninasian citizen, the adults will help you. Why didn’t you ask for help?” He spoke with a calming, but scolding voice. His eyes widened when Clara actually answered his question.
“Because, sir, the last time I asked an adult for help, I got these,” she said, showing the scars on her arms.
“I see,” he said, “But don’t you think that you could trust Autumn? She took you in, without knowing who you were, or what your story was. All she knew is that you needed help. Shouldn’t that kind of a person warrant your trust?” He scolded again. Clara looked at the ground, there was silence for a long moment.
“What are you going to do with me?” she finally said.
“We are going to wait for Autumn to return. She is currently out looking for you,” he replied. They waited for a while, the young man who brought her in earlier brought her a drink of water. They waited still. Clara began fidgeting, while the officer remained motionless. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Clara flinched, and the Junior officer went to go get the door. Autumn came in, looking at Clara. She had a few cuts on her arm, Clara caught her breath.
“What were you thinking?!” Autumn said, her voice very close to shouting, and her hair tangled up in a mess. Clara leaned back, and stared at her lap.
“You could have been hurt again, or worse. So what were you thinking?” She restated. Randy touched her on the shoulder, and whispered something into her ear. She took a deep breath and took a long look at Clara. In a calmer, but still firm voice, she spoke,
“Clara, why did you have to leave? What is the whole story? I want you to start from the beginning,” she said. Clara tapped her fingers against the table, and looked down. She breathed deeply, then began to tell her tale of woe.
“2 years ago, my tribe caught a sickness. It was only a few people at first, but gradually it spread to almost the whole tribe. We were a smaller tribe, but we couldn’t get help. We had to quarantine the virus for fear of it reaching other parts of Atonisasia. We think that it originated from the traders and merchants that came to our village. They didn’t stay long, we didn’t trust them. But we did buy a few of their goods. Even though they were only there for a little while, the damage had already been done. When they left, people started to get sick and die. It spread so fast, and no magic seemed to be able to stop it. No medicine was able to cure it, and it was deadly,” tears welled in her eyes, but they didn’t fall.
“Which tribe?” Autumn interrupted.
“[insert tribe name]” Autumn’s eyebrows drew together,
“I don’t remember hearing about it,” she said, “but continue on,”
“We had enough time to deal with our dead. My mother died due to the sickness as did my sister, but my little brother and father made it through. There were only a handful of us left, and we made the decision to continue to quarantine for a little while, in order to make sure that the disease doesn’t spread anymore. We were almost finished with our timeframe, when they came.” her voice quivered and tears began to stream down her cheeks. “They came with their whips and their swords, and easily overtook us. None of the powerful magics had survived, and they enslaved us." She was looking at a spot on the wall, unfocused.
“We decided, all of us from our tribe, that we needed to stick together. For a while, it worked. We were all put on this land to do various work. It was hard, and we were starving, but we still had the comfort of each other. Then they started to sell us off. We lost almost everyone. We tried to stop them, and tried to fight. That’s how I got my first set of scars.” she paused for a moment, rubbing her arms. Her voice grew a little stronger.
“Then, I was resold. They put me on a ship to send me to another master, further away from my tribe. At first, I was devastated, then I realized that I got lucky. The captain’s quarters held all the records to for the slave trade in those docks for the past 5 years. I know because he wrote all my information down when he saw me. So, when we set sail, I made a plan to steal those records, and find my tribe. We were supposed to just go to where I was to be resold, but then Dark Leave happened, and Atoninasia was nearby. They decided to stop to see if they could catch any more magics before heading to the next market. Most of them were ashore one night, we were all chained to make sure that no one would escape. I went into the captain's quarters to find the documents, but I was caught. Those still on duty dragged me out, and whipped me. I was put in isolation for the next day. But I was too close to those papers, I was too close to knowing where they were. I could not give it up, so I tried again. I didn’t take them, I just looked at them. I had to see where the rest of my tribe was. But before I could find anything useful, I was betrayed. Another slave woman ratted me out, and again they caught me. I had told her to cover for me, and she had agreed, but then she betrayed me,” Clara spoke harshly,
“But I ran. They threw a knife at me, but I had to keep going. I guess I lost them, but I don’t remember much after that. And then I woke up in your orphanage.” She looked back at Autumn for a minute. “That is why I have to go back, to keep my tribe from going extinct.” She finished, biting her lip and looking from Randy to Autumn. For a while, neither of them spoke. Then, Autumn touched her shoulder, and looked her in the eye.
“Look, I understand that you may have been on your own for a while. And I understand that you have been betrayed by others. But we can help you. Randy has put down 7 different slave trade routes. And I am always willing to help. We can help you, and we will help you. But you have to let us?” the woman said compassionately. “Do you understand?” she said.
“I understand,” she said. Autumn turned to Randy.
“I found the slave ship, and defeated the slavers.” Clara’s eyes widened. “You may want to go over there and do damage control. I had the local law enforcement contacted, but you know how to handle these situations. Then, see if you can get a hold of those records.” Clara looked up hopefully.
“Come one Clara,” Autumn said, getting up, “Let’s go home,”
Happiness is everywhere
The despair and hatred, of today impacts.
Nothing for only you, can decide if it does something.
I may be a nobody, but I've got a big heart.
To hold you and everyone, who needs love.
Weather it be caring love, or any type.
Just remember, someone always loves you.
Weather you know it or not, someone's always there for you.
The buckets of water, cover the table
And puddles of water on the floor, is enough to make a mini flood
All of this water, is the tears of pain I have cried.
Pain within my heart, mind and soul.
I try to hide within this mask, but it is not waterproof.
It cannot hold much, so I lose my mask.
To the tears I cry, all the time.
Whether it's internal or external, I'm always crying.
This hazy fog within me, is making everything invisible.
The once clear place of thoughts, is now polluted with the unknown.
The energy within me has all gone and, now I have no defence.
Against this unknown nothingness, that is clouding me and life.
Making my judgement, unknown.
Making me and everything else, unknown.
All these feelings which was, once someone else's.
Is now clouding me, and my feelings of hope.
Everything and everyone, is dull now.
The overwhelming tiredness, reels me in.
The unknown controls me, the misty fog is blocking everything.
And now I need help, I am reaching my arms.
Out for help, but none came.
Until you appeared, the sun that made everything clear.
The beauty of the sun
The dawn and the darkness, creates a beauty beyond the eyes.
That rests in the soul, of everyone.
The beauty of the light, mixing with the darkness.
Has stunned many throughout time, into thinking.
It was love, when I first saw you.
You were the dawn, and the sunrise.
In my eyes, you were the beautiful pink.
That hugs the sky, so far yet so close.
So long, yet so short.
The time I spend looking at it, is the time of love.
For you are my sunrise and sunfall, because you have all the light in the world
The abyssal heart
The abyss in my heart seems painful, yet I do not feel it.
The darkness in my heart should hurt, yet there is nothing.
The happiness I once felt, and the anger that was there.
The sadness from life, has all been sucked away.
The feelings of guilt, still remains.
Inside this chest, was a big beating heart.
But now, it's the abyss of no emotion.
The things I should feel, the pain and everything.
Is gone as if it was never there, the love and light.
Have all disappeared, into nothingness.
The ship of hope
I feel like i'm suffocating in this drowning world of sorrow,
Like its a never ending ocean, with waves as big as towers.
Endless with no ships, yet there's a light shining brightly.
Like a small beam of hope, like the light within darkness.
But it doesnt see me, I'm too far down I'm invisible.
Able to see the light yet, it does not see me.
The air inside me, the will of hope.
Has left me, my will of hope is leaving me.
Life is turning dark, it is drowning me.
What is this light, it's so bright.
What is this feeling surrounding me, it's a net holding me together.
Pulling me out of the abyss, into the light.
This feeling of gasping, for the will of hope.
Yes the will of hope has come back to me, coming in the gasping breaths of air.
I was saved by the light, that has never seen me.