You're gone now
Not physically but mentally anyway
You're still 15 mins away at home
But we aren't for each other
You don't know how to love
You know how to hurt
Do you get off on hurting me?
bet you do
Cause you do it
Over & over & over
I choose to leave now
Not because I don't love you anymore
But because I love you too much
But I also love me
And I don't deserve to feel this way
I don't deserve to be hurt over & over.
If I stay that gives you permission to keep fucking up
To hurt me more and get away with it
I fucking refuse to be treated any less than i am.
What it’s like to miss her at 2 a.m
You can feel it in your heart
You feel it that she's far
That's she's detached from you
Every muscle in your body feels weak
Because that one person that gives you happiness is now gone
She claims to still be there
But you feel it
She feels far
Because she is
And now you're in bed
Balling your eyes out
Because you can't be with her
Because you had to be so stupid to care about what everyone would say if you left
It's only been 3 days without her
But it's felt like forever
Why can't you just pack your shit and leave
Be in control of your own life
You can feel it in your heart that after a while she's gonna get sick of not having you there
And she's not gonna feel the same for you anymore
And that's what you're scared of
The one thing that makes you smile
Yet with just one move can break your heart forever
How can one person control every single feeling in your body?
You hate it
You feel like once she looses interest it's over
Her love for you drifting away with the wind
And what can you do?
There will be nothing you can do
You can cry
You can yell
You can do anything but it won't change her mind
And she'll find someone new
Or maybe even go back to that bitch that you hate so much
She'll pretend to be that babies mother again.
It's not hers
She lets that bitch get to her
Why did I even let myself get into the position of getting my heart broken at any second?
I'll tell you why
Because she's beautiful. She's perfect in your eyes. Her skin smooth under your touch
Her eyes so sweet and gentle all though deep deep you can see them yelling for help. Her heart so big
He hair so curly and beautiful
Oh how much you fucking love her
But you know soon enough that happiness is going to disappear
Fuck fuck fuck
You're gonna be back into a worse depression than you're already in.
And you might not be able to get out this time
Because while you miss her she'll probably have already moved on
She doesn't show her emotions
So you can't tell if she's sad or not
She might be I'll give that to her
She might be sad maybe for a day
But then she'll pull together and just move on
Man how much you fucking love this girl that you're here up at 2:23 in the Fucking morning because you can't sleep because you can't breath because you miss her. And what is she doing?
Not Missing you
You stupid fucking bitch realize that she'll be fine with out you
But you don't want to open your eyes and see that
So let's just continue to fake a smile and pretend that everything is okay
Although it is not
And will never be
Because she left you.
2 am thoughts.
Life is such a hard thing
Once you hit teen years everything gets fucked up
You start feeling things you didn't feel when you were 5.
What really is love?
No one knows. You can ask 100 people and they'll all have different things to say.
You meet someone that indulges you
And from there , shit, you start to feel something that you never felt.
You talk to them everyday
Learn something new about them everyday
End up seeing them when ever you have the chance to.
You guys go out after dark
That's when you know it's a different feeling.
You never felt this way for someone
You notice the little things about her.
How beautiful the color of her eyes are
How she has that one tooth that isn't straight but it's okay because that's what makes her well you know .. her
You notice how big and juicy her lips are
How smooth her skin is
That's when you're fucked.
That's when you realize you're starting to fall in love with her.
But is she in love with you?
You don't know because she's still acting like she's just a friend.
Not knowing when someone loves you back makes you feel crazy...
But knowing that they don't love you
That they don't feel anything towards you like you feel for them
That's what hurts the most
Because you put all you have into this one person
You start to care about how they are and what they're doing
They tell you how fucked up their lives are and you stay there and sit talk to them and tell them it's okay.
Tell them you're there for them and you won't let them get hurt again.
But over time you ask yourself why am I even doing this for someone that doesn't love me back
Then you start to wonder if they would do all of this for you and you realize ...
No they won't.
Your insecurities come back
You want to hide
You don't feel like going out as much anymore
You stop eating as much as you did
You start to change
You cut your hair
You stop putting on make up
You start dressing like you don't care
She noticed you changed
And she doesn't understand why
And you have to tell her why because she's sitting right infront of you and you have no where to go
You tell her you love her
She looks deep into your dark eyes
And she smiles
"I love you too"
That's when you want to hide baby girl.
Because when someone tells you they love you
That means they're going to hurt you
Until you start feeling like it's how you should be treated.
You deserve better