i never thought
i could be this much
we could be this much
there's more than lies,
more that lies
under passive waters
where all the colors
of the eyes of the oceans
have been bled out
and we're all just an expanse of gray
i like to tread carefully
but sometimes i
take the dive
and i choke, sputter,
but pain gives way to
that Something more
and you are something more
we are something more
if we only accept it
if we only accept it
here in the deep
where don't get me wrong, it's dark
it's like nighttime is squeezing my soul
but then i see you
and i see there's others down here
as you cry to the counselor
and we scream that none of us are heard
but maybe we can
hear each other
and i think i hear you
where water fills my ears
i hear you
through the ink-stained waves
and suddenly it's all teal and beautiful
I was free ~
smothered under the
angry weight of
blue sky perceptions,
muted, snagging at seams
cracking me open with them
shaking my confidence
with the shaking summer leaves of
the muggy may evening
heaviness sliding over parched backyards
over a famished soul
clicking into place ~
I sink willingly into denial.
Why should I attempt emancipation when unaware of being enslaved?
Problems shoved aside
gilded in pink peony skies
and stingy snowstorms
squeezing my shoulders as I sit cross-legged by frozen rivers,
double-crossed as it slithers away,
my hands too cold to catch it quick enough
Till I stand there, breaking.
And I am no hero.
me, a cyclone. (sorry sorry sorry sorry~
An apple left under the
that burns my neck
stepped upon, and rightfully so,
thrown into a corner,
go ahead, slap a label on me
I'll despise you forever,
it's not just you.
But I guess you don't matter
till you're crying and
rolling out red carpets for your tears
Why am I
I don't know why
Charisma rolls off his skin
nudging the feet of those around like dust bunnies.
Can you wait for me till dawn?
Forgive me if I'm a little late, I'm so
The sound haunts me
a sick spin on carnival rides,
(am I making it all up?)
and I wonder, will it ever leave?
why is it so high?
why won't it fall?
I'm just scared to grow up,
don't you see?
What is this?
One, three, five conversations,
and I'm crying.
Grabbed by the neck and thrown
and you are me.
As I hold you and
my red eyes twin yours across a
tile floor and a
He laughs at you
why did I not
see it before?
Or am I making it up?
it rattles my eardrums, my sick brain, turn it off, it scalds me
all of it. I said I wanted you to leave,
no one was supposed to leave.
just bitter right now.
Am I so broken
I weep over strangers?
growing up or something
tables bend over backwards for me
rolling taunts between teeth,
leering behind safety nets
of memories still drilled in my concrete wall
(ones I want to scratch off till my fingernails bleed,
tear apart and throw them behind padlocks
as I decide to step through muddy apathy) ~
I've always been the one who they've stabbed in the heart.
Because relief cascades to my toes,
and guilt floods right back up.
Will I always be stuck?
~my glowing real moment, are you
i hate him
and i hate you
but I say it all
sing it all
through lying teeth
and suppressed smiles
and you with your
five, four, three square feet
i'm melting, bursting,
cherry candy below
stop the sun before i melt into a lovesick puddle and you stomp all over me in optimism-laced rainboots
but there's my balloon soul, untethered
a rarity, a New
cliche cascades and seeps into your skin
but grin and bear it,
as doors creak open and elation showers me like confetti
as grass crinkles and wrinkles below our feet
as i realize,
timing is a lovely thing.
i long to say the words
crammed below my tongue
a jigsaw scramble, sunny-side up
have you found my missing pieces?
perhaps it's better
for them to stay missing
because then i can't put you in a box
and you can stay my halcyon dreamscape
i wonder how long
till it's scrawled over
in jet black paint
and bitter yesterdays
but today my smiles aren't timid
and elation is etched on the four walls of my brain, of my heart
what is love,
but a distraction masking reality?
and yet you are my reality, if but a facet of it
and i would like to only see this side of it always, forever
Untitled and speechless
Can you scrawl tomorrow on my wall in permanent marker?
Yesterdays have me in a chokehold.
What do you want me to say?
I spit out apathy,
but my heart melts in cinnamon candy,
why don't you see me?
Why do I
cacti thorns and all?
Fluttering on wings of optimism
have proved a fatal decision.
Now I make pinky-promises with the dawn
and break them by noon,
But I'm not blind anymore.
I've said that before, when I bathed in white lies--
A full moon and a new year opened my eyes.
As tennis shoes squeak against a tile that leers
as fireplace embers bleed into red roofs
as summer-sea-skies flash dazzling smiles
I see now, God.
Gone: a tirade
Smiles for them, and me, a punching bag.
It tastes of ash and feels like halfway home.
But I glance at faded street-signs,
and dust paints my sneakers
till I'm one with beige monotony.
Scratch out belonging from my dog-eared dictionary,
it bleeds irony.
Irony squeezing itself out through the sun,
burning my skin.
Happy days of now fade to nights drunk on days compared.
The past yanks on my puppet strings, spits on my heartstrings,
and it tastes of ash, Everything burnt up.
faux evergreen lights
humming in red
echo of my boiling blood
bellowing beneath a superficial smile
a grey sky teases rain
and i scream, i scream--
no, i sit in silence haloing apathy--
for it to unleash it all
throwing rocks to shatter its brimming bottle of emotion
but pebbles are no threat to stoic minds
is stoicism fortitude?
or a bypass
tempting next year's calendars?
drain out all the tears
hollows lack poetry
but i fancy being one anyway
no i don't want to but sometimes all i can do is switch off my mind for relief from endless swigs of melancholia that threaten to dissolve me until i'm one with the raging ocean itself
but christmas lights glisten
and mutual trauma is packing tape
sometimes i find no Hope here, ironic
but thin threads attach to Elsewhere