You sit high on your throne

Yelling into the silence

That you are the one

That you deserve love

But how can one love you

When all you do is break others

Shatter their souls for fun

Walk away after the fire has been set

While her ashes burn

You are caught with the matches

You claim innocence

You claim it was self defense

You set the fire

To her icy body

When she asked to stay cold

You said you knew best

Lonely Heart knows perfection

You sought her out

When she wanted to be alone

Said you knew her better than herself

You were the lucky one

You came out unscathed

Where she was scorched

Never to be touched again

But you’ll never feel sorry

You plead virtue

You are a man of God

A God that no longer answers your prayers

Of love lost

Every time she leaves the house

You cower in fear

You hold your breath until

The moment she comes home

Every time she says she wants to be alone

You shake with anxiety

Knowing she is hiding the blade

Waiting quietly to use it

Every time she does not pick up the phone

The restless apprehension sets in

Is she dead?

Lying under the tracks of a train?

Every time she takes her pills

You watch to make sure she swallows

You don’t want her saving them up

For a rainy day

You have nightmares

Where you wake up in distress

And double check that she is still breathing

Beside you

You cannot hold her hand

You cannot put her in bubble wrap

And pray she stays whole

You cannot save her

From the demons in her head

Summoning her down into purgatory

You can hold her hand while she cries

Tell her everything will be okay

Even when you’re not sure if that’s true

You sit by the phone

And wait for the call that will one-day come

“I’m sorry for your loss, ma’am”

You can try as hard as you can

Do everything in your power

But you cannot save her

I am the sound of the siren

Blaring past your window at 1 a.m.

I am the shattered vase

Left on the floor to walk through

I am the blood

Running down the bathroom tiles

I am all the unanswered messages

Begging to be noticed

I am freezing cold water

That was once hot and now runs frigid

Maybe if I smoke that cigarette I’ll feel better

Maybe if I drink that cup of coffee I’ll feel better

Maybe if I just call in sick I’ll feel better

Maybe if I sleep 14 hours I’ll feel better

Maybe if I pick up the razor I’ll feel better

Maybe if I throw things I’ll feel better

Maybe if I lay down and give up

I can’t talk anymore because it doesn’t make a difference. I can’t articulate my feelings when I need to and end up articulating too much when I need to be quiet. Why is there no balance? How do I fit myself into the box that he needs? I am a circle, a tornado of emotions and bull shit when he needs me to fit neatly in a square.

Do I simply give up and pretend not to care?

Her heart beats so quickly in her chest

I can smell the air of the living around she

I have come to a state of unrest

Why can’t she love someone like me?

I walk the cold, rotten world on my own

Looking for the flesh that I need to feed

She views me with such fear that I am thrown

Do I convince her I love her or watch her bleed?

I am one of the undead and she of the living

This can never work out unless she is like me

Maybe just one bite of her flesh would be forgiving

Once she is undead forever together we will be

All I know is her now dead hand fits mine like a glove

Maybe the soulless can feel love.

It is ripping apart my innocence

It is tearing at my flesh asking to enter

It is howling at the moon in pain

It is the death sentence I dare not speak

It is the scream I feel rising in my chest

It is the hand gripping my throat too tightly

It is the hushing sound I hear when I try to scream

It is the pinch I feel in-between my legs

It is the face I see too close to mine

It is the darkness I see as I close my eyes hoping it will end