a blanket of clouds
Losing yourself means you have something to lose.
That's better than the alternative.
I'd rather be bursting at the seams with loss,
if it meant I had something, anything, to give.
I couldn't stand to be like him,
empty, shallow, in a constant state of drought.
Those hands are not the hands I thought they were.
do not touch.
But they don't tingle.
I'd rather cry for days upon days,
than to sit staring at a wall, without blinking.
Not dreaming, only spacing.
Filling your precious time with nothingness.
To cherish oneself is the greatest gift.
Because to lose oneself would be complete and total destruction.
Love is ultimately nourishing.
It is what gives us life.
we are nothing.
One cannot disappear, unless one ceases to love oneself.
I'll lend you my light.
you remind me of someone i knew
someone i know
lips just the right shape and color
glancing at me from behind your hair
trying to hold back your smile
i catch you looking at me
hands strong like his
but you don’t smell like him
there are no butterflies in my stomach
my perpetual urge to smile isn’t there
time doesn’t stop when i see you
i can talk without stuttering
your name isn’t his
my body isn’t reacting
i know i won’t daydream about you
nightdream about you
i won’t look for you in random places
hoping i bump into you
i’ll look for him
to feel him in my arms again
iWould change my actions
iWould affect others how they affect me
iWould tell those who matter most how i really feel
my thoughts consume me
they are not always pleasant
i could write a million poems
and none would rid me of my emotions
constant opposition with myself
my thoughts do not align
i overindulge, i obsess
energetic to a fault
unless im depressed
iWould get angry
an emotion that's lacking
a crucial ingredient for growth
iWould be unapolegetically honest
open to love in all forms
iWould never cry again
iWould do what i want like nobody or nothing else mattered
but it does
and they do,
and my life is as much yours as it is mine
i consistently desire what i can't have
that is my ammo
i can’t hear you very well
we’re speaking the same language
but the words aren’t coming across
i look up, notice the wispy clouds in the sky
you look up, notice the sky between the clouds
no resemblence to the other
tell me Other Half,
who in the world speaks the language that unlocks my heart?