i need him

what it feels like to write those words and know that i'll never mean them

a true blessing

i need sunlight, water, air

laughter,

love

i don't need him

Losing yourself means you have something to lose.

That's better than the alternative.

I'd rather be bursting at the seams with loss,

if it meant I had something, anything, to give.

I couldn't stand to be like him,

empty, shallow, in a constant state of drought.

Those hands are not the hands I thought they were.

Those hands,

do not touch.

They take.

They grab.

But they don't tingle.

I'd rather cry for days upon days,

than to sit staring at a wall, without blinking.

Not dreaming, only spacing.

Filling your precious time with nothingness.

To cherish oneself is the greatest gift.

Because to lose oneself would be complete and total destruction.

Love is ultimately nourishing.

It is what gives us life.

Without,

we are nothing.

One cannot disappear, unless one ceases to love oneself.

I'll lend you my light.

you remind me of someone i knew

someone i know

lips just the right shape and color

glancing at me from behind your hair

trying to hold back your smile

i catch you looking at me

hands strong like his

same shoes

but you don’t smell like him

there are no butterflies in my stomach

my perpetual urge to smile isn’t there

time doesn’t stop when i see you

i can talk without stuttering

your name isn’t his

my body isn’t reacting

i know i won’t daydream about you

nightdream about you

i won’t look for you in random places

hoping i bump into you

i’ll look for him

waiting

wishing

longing

to feel him in my arms again

HE walks towards me

HE isn’t supposed to be here

the footsteps grow louder by the second

heavier along the hot gravel

focus on the wind in your hair

the suns rays that linger

this will pass

KEEP SCREAMING

keep moving

thankful for the woman and her dog

seperat.e .d

i’m still breathing

iWould change my actions

iWould affect others how they affect me

iWould tell those who matter most how i really feel

my thoughts consume me

they are not always pleasant

i could write a million poems

and none would rid me of my emotions

constant opposition with myself

my thoughts do not align

i overindulge, i obsess

energetic to a fault

unless im depressed

iWould get angry

an emotion that's lacking

a crucial ingredient for growth

iWould be unapolegetically honest

open to love in all forms

iWould never cry again

iWould do what i want like nobody or nothing else mattered

but it does

and they do,

and my life is as much yours as it is mine

i consistently desire what i can't have

that is my ammo

i can’t hear you very well

we’re speaking the same language

but the words aren’t coming across

i look up, notice the wispy clouds in the sky

you look up, notice the sky between the clouds

two bodies

2 spirits

no resemblence to the other

tell me Other Half,

who in the world speaks the language that unlocks my heart?