Deceit looks like me, the shape of my lips
It calls out so sweetly bringing false bliss
Too fragile for heat yet shatters in cold
A smile worth buying but never is sold
Held down by beliefs that meant no real harm
Hiding my tears to not set off alarms
Picture perfect and arranged to be chic
Covering feelings that prove to be bleak
Given no value it’s hard to define
Smiles can be priceless but cost me my time
Willing to sacrifice all that is mine
Hoping my feelings and body align
To honestly smile while thinking of me
I’ll have to find out what makes me happy
An aimless gaze
Causing chills, all
Entangled lies, done by
Fictitious scenes of
Giving love with
Inducing eyes always
Judging my moves
Knowing my weakness, then
Leaving me soothed
Mellow voice has
Never heard no
Omitting passion for a
Quietly cooed as we
Rest untouched, I'm
Sweetly embraced but
To stay is too much
Under your thumb with
Violence and yells, you
Whisper me under
Xanax’s calm spell
Your lips they tremble with
Zealous motivation, though you're looking at me... your heart is taken
You were an abstract attraction that began on day one
Folding pages gave me paper cuts,
Alliteration gave me a sharp tongue
Repetitive words like a constant hum,
Leaving amorous notes like poor Hansel left crumbs
Bought like preserves, tightly sealed, the sweet taste only assumed
Lonely desire, dreaming day and night, this fictional love how it looms
Playing pretend, roles are given, the orchestra all tuned
Beginning, middle and end, the mystery still resumes
Context around says to fall madly in love
So my hearts beating fast but from my neck I’m now hung
This writhing spine so ripped and torn
The last word feels like death
But the first word is now born
Winter Kills, Autumn just Frightens
I was always taught by my parents to make my dreams happen. Yet I never could, I blame the undecisive seasons. They never aligned with my dreams.
But I’m done listening to the silence of the seasons changing.
So here I stand, ready to jump as the swift fall breeze gently tugs me back and forth from the ledge. Maybe it’s telling me to back down or maybe it’s giving me a nudge forward. It must not know that I made my decision already.
One foot hovers off the ledge, and I tell myself that it will feel exactly like missing a step when going downstairs. But unfortunately, I know better than that. I’ll probably feel a drop in my stomach, the same drop I get when a roller coaster plunges steeply towards the ground.
I gather my thoughts and look down to prepare myself for what’s to come. There’s no going back now. I can’t be a coward forever.
And with that last instigating thought, I jump. Diving forward, my feet are practically sewn together. In the same second as a blink, I hit the water. I didn’t prepare myself for the sting on my skin the moment my body broke the barrier between the air and the water, so it came as a shock. Not a “screaming eyes wide open shock”, but a “wow I didn’t expect that shock.”
I swim with galloping strokes towards the shoreline and realize there’s no one around. My body is covered with goosebumps and all my hairs are standing. I just continue to walk until I make it home, in my wet clothes just dripping with every step as if I’m leaving a trail of my melting cowardice.
Shivering, I step into my room and strip off everything but undergarments and my goosebumps. I pull a blanket over my shoulders and it kisses my body with warmth. I lay back on my bed with my legs straight out and my arms on my sides.
“Did I really jump?”
And I’m silent again... as I see from the corner of my eyes the window curtain dancing in a rhythmic pace.
My sight starts to darken and I begin to give in to the blissful temptation of sleep, as it creeps onto my bed and hugs me tightly, not letting go and I don’t want it to.
Slipping deeper and deeper into darkness all I can think about is how I forgot to close my window and how the autumn breeze may take this as its chance to nudge me forward.
But I know it won’t because winter kills, autumn just frightens.