I wish to erase

Every sordid mistake,

Every slight flaw,

That sparked contempt;

In the eyes of those

I might have loved.

I'm not quite sure,

When those varied hues

And that gleaming purity

Became obscure

And faded away;

As fast as the day,

Fades to shade.

I can't seem to remember

A brilliant day.

It was twilight out

The brilliance of the fire, illuminating the grass

Makes everything hazy.

As hazy as the alcohol that flows through our blood,

The haziness of a fog-sunk morning.

There's a lot of mirth

In this sort of delusion.

I've lived my life habitually ineffectual,

Wholly apathetic to the twists and tidings

Of these turbulent waves.

They say I've got a smart brain

But the things I know

Never apply

When I need them the most.

I write in broken sentences

Because I cannot keep one chain of thought

Long enough to continue to

The next.

I wish to forget vibrant forests,

The living water that flowed through those woodland streams.

I wish to forget the early sunshine

That fades to tri-colored dusk as the day wanes.

And why do I wish to forget the good?

So I could refresh my memory, on the joy of,

Simply living unafraid.

They call me crazy

For the little glint in my eye

That alights when

I see others' vunerablity

And you, yourself may call me cruel

But I'd argue it's only instinctual

You reach out to me,

I reach back

We talk for a while

Maybe take it a bit further

But eventually

We're suddenly strangers

From the fringes of my vision,

Shadows creep in.

And there's a little tinny knocking,

That won't cease it's ministrations.

So where may I reprieve?

For I know good and well,

I won't sleep tonight.

Stand on the table.

Let me feel your warmth.

Our tender flesh will meld, our hands together.

I can feel the pulse of yours, that quick, flittery pace.

Let me claim it as mine own.