God could part the sea

But I’m still at risk to drown

You could put your faith in me

But I will still usurp the crown

I won’t practice what I preach

But I’ll project on someone else

I can bathe my hair in bleach

But I cannot clean up myself

I look around

What do I see?

A life that wasn’t meant to be

I look at myself

Don’t like what I see

A broken body served to me

What did I do?

What did I say?

Dysfunction every single day

I find it hard to cope

With my reality

A life I never thought I’d see

This is not my plan

I need you to understand

I’m not where I thought I’d be

Please… kill me

No true love

No true success

Living under full duress

Bones that ache

A brain diseased

No day is left for me to seize

My fantasies

Are all I have

Dreams too far away to grab

Too hard to live

Too hard to die

Never ceasing to ask why

Pity spreads

Throughout my mind

A future that was left behind

This is not my plan

I need you to understand

I’m not where I thought I’d be

Please… kill me

I don’t really want to die

To force them all to say goodbye

Potential is what I must mourn

Just wishing I was never born

I see the light, it was disguised

I missed it right before my eyes

Some years ago, I was so low

Taken by the undertow

There is still a lot that I could say

My intuition led astray

I made my heart a shorter leash

And tricked my mind to think I’ll cease

I fight to chew on every word

And let our memories all burn

It’s time for me to break away

Before my empathy’s betrayed

Our favorite song is on repeat

Drowning out all of my screams

You’re just manure for his seed

He’s not really what you need

I gave our time another look

Discovered how you bait your hook

And now I’m better on my own

Shattered glass & bitter stone

I see the light it was disguised

I’m better now to my surprise

Years ago, I was so low

Recovery meant let you go

In a state of corruption

It will beg for destruction

A violence so true that no one can subdue

In the eyes of the father

Its faith will devour

The monster within always slated to win

Raise the flag & ring alarms

Hold me in your fire-arms

A bullet designed with your flesh in mind

Shield your eyes then ostracize

A mental state you’ll demonize

A bullet or two will be aiming at truth

What will you do when it’s coming for you?

A disease of such rarity

Eats away at the clarity

Nothing to lose or good paths it can choose

Soon you all will see

The flaws of society

There’s nowhere to run when it’s holding the gun

Raise the flag & ring alarms

Hold me in your fire-arms

A bullet designed with your flesh in mind

Shield your eyes then ostracize

A mental state you’ll demonize

A bullet or two will be aiming at truth

What will you do when it’s aiming at you?

I’m forever ruined by you, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Our veins intertwined feels so fucking divine

I am now yours & yours is now mine

Touch is our crutch with glances & such

You found that this love didn’t hinder too much

I let you be & you see inside me

Understood fully & mutually

You’re forever ruined by me, but you wouldn’t have it any other way

Our paths always cross no matter the cost

Creating a bond from the moments we lost

Lust is just dust resting on trust

I found that this love didn’t scare me too much

You let me be & I like what I see

Straight to the bone unconditionally

"My love... was not supposed to make you cry."

Disconnected

This wall was not expected

But after all my introspection

And your own deflection

I've come to terms

You don't deserve my time

You don't deserve my space

You don't deserve my kindness

You don't deserve this face

My boundaries have been set

Requirements not met

You're wasting so much time

Commit an apathetic crime

Disrespected

This bitterness was not expected

But after all my introspection

And your own projection

I'm closing down

I don't deserve your words

I don't deserve your guilt

I don't deserve your demons

I don't deserve to wilt

But my love is still in reach

I've yet to load the breech

You're still wasting so much time

Commit an apathetic crime

We're out of time.

"My love... was not supposed to make you cry."

Maybe one day, I’ll be fine

Maybe someday, I’ll find mine

Maybe one day, when our paths collide, you won’t even recognize me

And if the earth should break in two

Please... know my love was true

I’ll think of you & us & all that could have been & should have been

The wounds are dark & never healing

The lies were beautiful & so revealing

Betrayal is razorblades against my skin & poison in my wine

But maybe one day, I’ll be fine

Maybe someday, I’ll find mine

And maybe light will shine through the cracks in our masks

Upon this ledge, my wings evolve

And in this sky, my problems solved

The sun will melt away my fears & wind will carry all this guilt away

In the end, it’s no one’s fault

Connections wither to a halt

It’s not our time & never was, but don’t erase the past

I think that one day, I’ll be fine

That in the future, I’ll find mine

This blood I bleed to free my thoughts of you & live again

There’s a happiness I feel when I'm with you

A satisfying peace I never knew

And all this time, I’ve tried to run away

But now, I’ve found a good reason to stay

Your emerald eyes may judge, but out of love

You see in me what I don't see enough

Your claws are set so deep in me, I'll never be the same

Old memories shine when I speak your name

I swore I'd never let one in again

My older wounds still need more time to mend

But then I saw your face & couldn't leave

I never thought that you'd be what I need

You're pawing at the string I'm danagling on

Yanking on my leash when I've withdrawn

And even though my better days are not a guarantee

You somehow find the love to carry me

I made these wings to soar so high

I left a note to say goodbye

I never meant to break your heart

These dirty wings will fall apart

They find my pieces on the ground

A body cold

A mind unsound

I sing a final song to you

A thousand truths I wish they knew

A loaded gun with loaded charms

Please hold me in your fire-arms

I'm sick of thoughts with thoughtless words

Prayers from the godless, I have heard

And now I have done all I can

I wish that they could understand

But maybe in another life

I could try to make things right

I'd build a place for us to live

With love that grows & hands that give

Our stars above will light the sky

And there we'll never wish to die

You see the void behind my eyes, but you still don't understand

I wasn't built to save this world because my sanity cannot withstand

The dirty writing on the wall has the messages all wrong

I'm floating through the days & nights while my heart remains headstrong

You sang the sweetest nothings, smooth as honey, dipped in cream

This faulty love connection put your flaws in my bloodstream

Once two halves, but now a whole, we have sinned the greatest sin

You gave my words to someone else, but I carved yours in my skin

An endless stream of nonsense you were feeding through my skull

I tried to break the cycle, but my struggle came back null

You know you've won the battle & soon you'll be coming back for more

But I've the upperhand this time, so I will never lose this war