Lone

I’ve never known a mind like mine

That runs at night and sleeps at noon

Which feeds itself on dead men’s words

While haunted by my own unsaid

For should I meet a kindred soul

Unmoved by fear but drawn to love

I worry that we’d pass on by

And never learn each other’s name

As I was born with no clear map

No guide to live nor love, alone

I wander -- fearing those I meet

Creating distance in my wake

I’ve found myself falling again. Or perhaps already fallen.

I’m no stranger to feelings unmatched

Or my love unrequited,

But this time feels different.

I’ve always been possessive in my loving.

I couldn’t separate out the aspect of ownership from the sanctity of adoration,

My knuckles turning white as I grip my phone

Furiously typing “be mine, be mine, please be mine.”

With her I feel safety.

I counter her chaos with calmness.

She meets me with honesty and empathy.

There exists in our exchanges a tenderness I’ve never known.

So when I sleep at night, it is soundly.

The warmth of her body on mine feels almost real

As I imagine my arms wrapped up in hers

And picture the valley of her waist, my thumb running along her side.

When my eyes close, I slip into a reality where her and I are partners

Equally matched in our desire for one another, and our ability to express it.

In my dreams, she arrives ready for a life with me,

And when I wake I am thankful for the moments my subconscious allowed me.

She is not mine to have.

And if I am certain of anything, it is that she will always belong to no one.

So I’ll love her from exactly where I write this, 2000 miles away, without expectation.

And one day I’ll watch her in love, with the knowledge that though she could never be mine -

I am unequivocally hers.