I could say a lot

about what it means

to be your son

but I’m tired of explaining

how the hurt just flows

from a wound

you created and how

when you stopped

breathing

I started

Iceberg eyes shoot towards me like spears piercing through my soul, exposing me.

Knocked on my metaphorical ass

I feel naked, aware, terrified

Alive in their presence

Immediately I question

Am I a fraud in my own life?

My hand says “taken” but my eyes say “take me away from here.”

If only we met before I went down this very straight and narrow path.

Still, if you asked.. would I ruin it all for you?

I try my best not to stare in awe when you speak- so passionately about the topics you feel so strongly.

Words tangle in your tongue and the exuded passion makes me weak.

Years have passed since we last saw each other, yet I’m undone once again by your intoxicating presence

Utterly and completely

Untethered

Leaves—

Moving

green machines,

kissed by breezes,

(swaying teases)

without motives.

Birds,

jealous

of such talent:

“Why thee,

& not me?”

they chirp.

Nearby moss,

like saddened

vampires,

can’t dance—

& don’t

want to.

Inspired by “moss, love and CO₂” by @anarosewood

my darling,

I found myself

in a garden of exhale with you ,

and it's the only place where my vines

want to grow

spreading e n d l e s s l y

toward the sun

I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m stuck. Part of me so desperately wants to get better, to heal. But I’ve gotten so used to the depression, the sadness that it’s become comfortable. I know it like the back of my hand. I know what to expect and I’m scared to get better because I have no idea what to expect.

I’m not sure you like me

and that’s ok

fine line between love & hate, see?

It’s rarely any other way.

You admire my spirit

how it sparks and shines

then secretly covet,

jealousy blinds.

Your eyes skim my body

i know what you need

chemistry is never our problem,

in truth it's your greed.

Driven by ego

you punish & shame

hurling insults like snowballs,

seeking others to blame.

There once was a time

i’d make efforts to conceal

my soul in its prime,

so you could feel.

Those days have passed

i’ve uncovered the truth

free at last,

toll paid with my youth.

I’m not sure you like me

and that’s ok

truth is,

I never needed you anyway.

you're beautiful.

i broke you.

you've shattered, into a mosaic.

it seems i've destroyed my very own soul.

Pretending

I never heard those vicious words,

I dissolved my neverlasting freedom of thoughts into bubble baths.

Staring into the dusk, I always adored the moon

I shut my door and pondered

Moon had glory,

Another beautiful story

Devastated my existence by questioning my everlasting faith

Astonished, I chased evidence to prove my innocence

I have stopped cherishing the moon, it’s perhaps my flaws trapped in a cage

Pretending

I never witnessed the humiliating words

I dissolved my agony in my neverlasting mind palace

Staring into the amber dust, I always praised the sun,

I shut my door and sobbed

Sun had flare

Another prayer

Crushed my life under few filthy words, flushed my trust

I wasn’t surprised at venom rushed to trap me in, I wasn’t afraid of reputation melting to cinder,

I have stopped adoring the sun, it’s perhaps a mirror to my demon

She breaks more.

breaking intestines as she swears on stars that one day she will be light enough to fly away,

breaking her mind as her thoughts swing like the swing set where she lost her innocence to a man she called father

(back and forth, back and forth),

breaking skin to show the sun how she can glisten too

(how she can be happy too, how she can feel powerful too),

breaking her heart as she isolates herself in her basement room

(droopy eyes, drawn blinds),

breaking bones as she bashes to remind herself that she is a failure that deserves it

(over, and over)

breaking her soul with the breaking of her body with the breaking of her life

(she is hurting till she doesn’t hurt).

She breaks more

(more, and more)

because she wants to

(because she needs to, has to),

and crack by crack

(break by break)

she will

c r u m b l e.

(but she lived till today, and it’s a miracle I say)

Roses are red

and blue

I bury my dread

out of view

my love I spread

and grew

for my heart has fled

to you

Violets are blue

and red

you came through

instead

you confessed you knew

and said,

my love for you

I always bled