Body Count

I discount

My body

Because

It remembers

My trauma

My mind

However

Prefers

To forget

In forgetting

I dishonor

Myself

My journey

My future

My past

My loved ones

In forgetting

I allow

The trauma

To build

Upon itself

A cycle

Which brings me

To my knees

Time

And again

On my knees

I’m not praying

Or am I

In my sad, sick way

On my knees

Am I begging

To be taken

Forgiven

Put down

Or helped up

On my knees

Am I crying out

To be seen

Heard

Or ignored

On my knees

Is it the prelude

To finding myself

On my back

Or standing up

My body remembers.

My trauma

Lives there.

When I ignore it

I grant

My pain

Wings

Sadness

Despair

They fly

Into my mind

Dampening

My spirit

Dimming

My light

Shadowing

My soul

Each time

I discount

My body

My body count

Increases

The weight of that

Paralyzes me at times

When I don’t move

My body

The pain stagnates

Then metastasizes

My inability

To move

In healthy ways

Climaxes

So

In those moments

I’ve begun to whisper

Move

Just move

I must

Learn

To count

On my body

Trust

The openness

Of my heart

Move

Into

My own way