5/7/2025

I’m trying really hard to survive. I have four kids. I have to try to survive for them.

I’m in danger of losing my house and my job. I’ve already lost so much. Part of me just doesn’t care anymore. It would force my ex (I can call her that now) to have to sell the other house. And I could live off that money for at least a year.

I could put everything into my book and my music. And I wouldn’t have to work anymore. I could do the things I love and see if I can make a living once the house money runs out. I’m getting paying gigs again. 400 bucks a pop to play violin for a few hours. I’ve sold a few books. And I’ve sold shirts and hoodies and buttons. Merch for the book. I’m doing something at Balticon. The Baltimore science fiction convention. Both music and book related stuff. And I’m going to be doing a thing at the Baltimore Scifi Society in July most likely.

I’m putting everything into my book. It’s all I have now. That and my kids. I have to cling to this dream or I’ll die. It’s my last hope. And it’s the only thing other than my kids that makes me happy. That and my music. I want to write the sequel but I haven’t been able to write lately. No fiction. No poetry. No nothing. Not a good showing for someone who’s talking about making a living from his writing.

Anyway. That’s where I am. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this. I’m going to cling to my kids like a life raft. And I’m going to put everything into writing and music. And if I go down, at least I’ll go down swinging.