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Challenge
new year, same you
since it's a new year (and we're supposed to make resolutions and what not), what do you *not* plan to change about your habits, lifestyle, etc. ? go whatever direction you'd like - tell us all the things you think are great as they are or things you think you should probably change, but refuse to for whatever reason. this is a shame-free zone! i also will not be exercising more this year or making my bed. :))))

Same Me, Different Day

When navigating the rocky road laid down by Life, I am of the belief that if it’s not broken, don’t fix it. That is why, since 1980, I’ve been making and following through with the same New Year’s resolution: Set the bar low. I mean low low. Something just above a subterranean level. A bar which requires little if any effort to clear. I’m talking about an imperceivable elevation that wouldn’t disrupt the cadence of a millipede.

Example #1. I’ve heard numerous motivational speeches encouraging me to “shoot for the stars.” But considering the nearest star is the Sun at a mere 93 frickin’ million miles away and, oh, in case you were unaware, is extremely hot, I fail to see the benefit of even trying to shoot for that yellow globe of death. Icarus didn’t have a positive outcome, who am I to think my attempt would differ? History and science shows that the risk far outweighs any reward.

Instead, I shoot for the refrigerator. My fridge never fails to provide, even despite me not venturing out for groceries in nine days. It’s well within manageable walking distance from anywhere in my house. There’s no bouncer. No cover charge or secret password is required to gain entry. It is at my beckon call. The fridge welcomes my visits, whether a quick one to grab a yogurt as I’m about to leave for work in a suit and tie or one involving me standing there for a prolonged stretch of time with my robe open, clad in tattered underwear and mismatched socks while rescanning the interior for a third time looking for the hardboiled egg that I’m sure I saw earlier this week. It complements the freezer above. And most importantly, it doesn’t discriminate based on a food’s race, creed or religion. The fridge keeps all the contents at a constant 36 degrees.

Example #2. I shoot for something that’s physically impossible to miss. For the past four and half decades. I have made a conscientious decision to avoid using the word “festooned” in daily conversations. So once again, I’m destined to crush this goal. Heck, only 28 days into 2025 and I’m already chalking this one up as a win.

By selecting such a generalized resolution every December 31st, I ensure my successful win streak remains intact. I’ll skate through the next eleven months with no concern for failure. My chest swells with pride knowing I won’t be among the staggering 80% of the population who don’t keep their resolutions beyond February.

I am already looking forward to 2026.