I Hate You

J,

I've known you for years, since elementary school. We didn't really start talking much until middle school, but we stopped talking when Covid happened, but started to pick up again junior year in high school. Now we're in college, and things have changed.

I've changed, maybe for better, maybe for worse. I can't tell. You've changed too, I think. I've noticed things.

I'm so fucking glad we don't go to the same university, and you can't see me everyday, because even though I think you're my friend, I think I hate you.

You text me every fucking day, sometimes saying you're concern, sometimes to send me random videos. Please, give a girl a goddamn break. When I give curt responses and you say "did I do something wrong?" I have to say no, because then I would be the bitch and maybe I would mess up a dynamic with someone I've known for over a decade.

You say cruel things sometimes, and you expect me to laugh them off.

I say I can't hang out with you because I'll be busy. You said to me "Busy with what, you never leave your house!" (you were shocked because I was pissed off, and I was because of your tone and implications. I have more friends than you)

"Your car is dirty, get it cleaned." Dude, it's winter. Everyone's car is covered in that dust.

"I'm glad you redyed your hair because it didn't look very good before" thanks. Real confidence.

Those were all within the last week.

I don't know if you have a crush on me, or if you just want to keep me close or what but I'm sick of it.

I'm pissed at you for other reasons too, but I don't think I can properly say them right now. I hate you, because you make me feel bad about myself. You kind of make me what to die.

I don't know if I even like being your friend anymore. I don't want to see you in February, when you planned to see me, but I'll accept it. Maybe I'll think this is me overreacting in a weeks times. Maybe I'll feel worse.

Don't respond to this or I'll want to gorge my eyes out,

"Melpomene"