Left in the aftermath

To be in your room, surrounded by the memories of almost 4 years. Surrounded by the love of the three animals we took in and the things we’ve accumulated over the years. In solitude.. no isolation you kept me in for the arms of another. To be told without words I wasn’t enough by the actions you chose but the words say I love you and this is temporarily but all I hear are the lies I chose to breath thinking it was oxygen but was give cyanide instead. You made me feel like I was on an opioid high but was met with the harsh reality check of the crash that followed suite. Addicted to your love like I thought it was my cure but you were the poison in my lungs that I thought would keep me full of breath, you stole like water in my lungs. To be stuck in this apartment surronded by our the aftermath and memories of your choices. To know not just me but Benji,Mila, and Freya have been abandoned is by far the worst pain anyone has given me. what did I do to become a option when all you’ve ever been was my solidified choice. Was that and my love not enough? Was the life we built just for fun? You chose to play with someone’s heart and in the end you left it to dry and rot. What about me? What about the animals? The plans we shared and the goals we aspired to achieve? was it just words with no motion?

was I not good enough?

what did I do to be left with all the responsibility, to pick up the pieces, to live in this alone.

was I ever enough..

you’re the reason I’m following my alcoholic fathers footsteps. You’ve become my reason to drink and the urge to end it all. The straw that broke my back.