Post Anger Pining

I miss you

I know it’s not mutual

I miss you in the mornings and sob during the commute

I miss you when dusk takes over and I see the moon

I miss you in the whirlwind of life and the flickering static of lights at night

And I lie down in bed wondering when the stirring in my chest will cease and feel alright

But why?

There’s nothing to miss so this distance should feel like bliss

No more tiptoeing on egg shells and analyzing what’s amiss

No more unspoken animosities and apologies that always miss

No more what ifs and no more doubts

No more cuts from shattered fragments of trust

And no more constant breaks and rebounds

This is quiet but even then

I miss you still

I hate that I miss you

I really do

Because in spite of everything that has ensued, it feels like I’ll never stop yearning for you

What do I even miss?

I don’t miss my partner

Dating led to distress, distance and disruption

I miss the bashful boy within

My endearing friend who made plans on a whim

The person I was getting to know

The one who dished out witty quips

Even as he stumbled and tripped

Over words, over pebbles, flitting gazes but it really showed

The sincerity you held

The beginnings of friendship

A spark vanquished in the wind

Where did that unfiltered adoration go?