The Greeting

"How are you doing today?"

Like you, I receive this greeting two or three times a day, especially from a coworker at the start of another workday. Sometimes the five-word question is sincere, but most often it is a mundane way to say "hi."

And the standard reply is usually just as routine: "Fine. And you?"

However, I decided years ago to break out of the rut, and answer the "how are you" greeting with a different word: "Smooth." (As in no problems, no difficulties.)

I often receive a raised eyebrow or a smile. But the first time a female coworker heard my reply, she was momentarily speechless. In the vacuum, I asked, "How are you doing?"

She paused and said, "Lumpy."

I changed the subject.