A Case of Witchstaken Identity

Not sure if the challenge is supposed to be about the occult or a cult, so I'll mix it up.

I am just so tired of the stereotyping! Look folks. Wiccans aren't wicked, evil, spawns of Satan! We don't fly around on broomsticks wearing ruby slippers harassing members of the Lullaby League and Lollipop Guild! We're being religiously profiled!

So, to all those members of the Manson Family, STOP leaving your kids on our doorsteps to be raised as spawns of the devil! If you want your kids to be raised to be evil, drop them at the Scientology headquarters, the RNC offices, DMV, or an NRA convention!

Oh, and to whatever motherfucker keeps trying to drop a Kansas farmhouse on my head and hitting me with buckets of water...Try it again and you'll be hearing from my lawyer!