Skipping through the vapors

I don't remember exactly when

I stopped celebrating birthdays

I think it was...at least...well

When I stopped having close friends

It's been at least a decade

There's many reasons for that

I've probably moved ten times in ten years

It's hard to make friends when you do that.

I was running from the past and the future at the same time

That sort of thing can really turn you around

I also couldn't stop feeling everything

It was like my skin wanted to fall away

Chewing at myself like a mad dog...

That poor, sick thing

I wasn't a very happy person, I was quite miserable really

I remember once I branded myself

Heating up an old wood chisel over the stove

Pressing it to my skin, to make it snap crackle n'pop

I just wanted to feel something different

To maybe...control something in my world for once

I was at the mercy of everything

I still sort of am...I just got harder

But no one wants to be friends with a person like that...

Or, well...maybe some did...

But I could never love myself enough to let them love me.

How do you convince yourself that you're loveable?

That your worth anything at all

I don't buy that you can do that on your own

Maybe just because I still can't do it.

I don't celebrate birthdays

Well...I think you have to make something of yourself

Become useful to other people...slowly make friends and do things you enjoy...

It's not impossible, i've done that before...

But when people begin to like me

It's like an allergic reaction

I violently push them away

Because they're lying...

If I find you before I die

I'll dance with you

'till it's my time

I'll dance with you

Right off that cliff

I don't want to dance in the void anymore

Come twirl with me

Down here in the vapors

Maybe we can skip right on through to the sun

I'd like to celebrate birthdays again someday