The Lost Child

The lost child goes unheard

Re-living every moment

Forever

I'm nearly 35 years old

But i'm still walking home alone in the rain

Meeting my mother in that dark home

For her to welcome me there with such happiness

Yet with such sadness

Like I was the only thing keeping her alive

Still seeing my father with his new wife

Everyone is so happy

Laughing and smiling and joking

They can't stop saying "I love you"

But it doesn't mean anything anymore

You've broken it.

Feeling lost

Dropped

Floating around

Two families...

In one, I have to be the father, son, the man...

The only man

In the other...I wish I was still his son

But I don't believe you anymore

I don't trust you anymore

Two families and I don't belong in either one

I want to be their perfect son

But a perfect son to what parents?

The parents are gone.

You told me to grow up and get over it...

Do you think that's easy?

I never trusted you again.

I lost my parents.

Do you think that's easy?

You lost your mother

And you said your father was never there

At least you had your grandparents to raise you.

Who do I have?

Who has me?

I have always been alone...and now you have the gall..

To be upset with me?

You died when I was 12

I've been living with your ghosts

Do you think that's easy?

Who do I have?

Who has me?

You think you deserve a son?

How do you deserve a son when I

Apparently

Never deserved parents?

My parents died, and I grew up without you...

I'm sorry if you think that's harsh.

I can't lie anymore...it's making me sick

Do you think it was easy?

How dare you attack me for surviving.

I don't live because of you

I live in spite of you..

You can't hurt me anymore...

I don't want to die like this

But I still feel the same pain.

That emptiness

That fear

It makes me stumble and fall

It cripples me

Hobbles my every decision...

So desperate to be perfect

Maybe if I win this one thing

I'll have a mother and father again.

Maybe they'll take me back

Maybe we'll be a family again?

Maybe i'm stupid and crazy....

She said she's sad that I can't forgive them.

I feel pain when I hear his voice

That's my fault?

I have never felt in control of my life

I have always felt helpless

In every friend it feels like I'm looking for my father

In every relationship I look for my mother

I don't do this on purpose

It's just a funny thing i've started to notice

I wish these were my only problems, hahaha...

Feeling my own skin

Feeling my eyes...moving

Feeling...everything and then I can't breath

Every pain is fatal

I fixate on everything

My thoughts come rushing in waves of millions

I can understand why people get addicted to drugs

Why people kill themselves

Kill others

I understand the villain

It doesn't mean i'll become one...

You know, I think it makes a better person

Not everyone can understand and feel sympathy

For those who suffer like that..

They do it because they feel too much

Maybe i'll be healed when I'm 60

Then I can finally have a career when I'm 80

Get married at 90 and have kids when i'm 100

This life is a bloody joke

F*** this place

Good night