THE BALLAD OF IGOR
by Wilkinson Riling
(Sung to the tune of Hungarian Rhapsody
by Dr. Frankenstein)
Wipe that drool, that oafish slobber,
You are hired head grave robber!
Get a move on, won't you hurry?
Find a corpse to unbury!
Do it fast don't make a hassle.
Bring it back here to the castle!
Can't you see I'm really itching
to get started body stitching?
(Chorus)
Igor, let's make a monster!
Something really big and scary
that the world has never seen!
Igor, let’s build a monster!
It’ll get me on the cover of
Mad Scientist Magazine!
Now go and find for me a brain,
Not the one that's marked insane!
For in this skull I'll encase it,
Please don't tell me you misplaced it.
A bolt of lightning will give him life,
If there's time we'll make his wife.
I'll treat him like a son of mine,
Give him the last name Frankenstein!
(Chorus)
Igor, let's make a monster!
Something really big and scary
that the world has never seen!
Igor, let’s build a monster!
It’ll get me on the cover of
Mad Scientist Magazine!
Lay him down here on the table,
Connect his bolts to jumper cables,
You're the lackey, I'm the master
So raise the platform to the rafters,
Tie down that kite, I know it's frightening,
It’s how we harness the flashing lightning!
We'll watch above as storm clouds gather,
Then electrocute our cadaver!
(Chorus)
Igor, let's make a monster!
Something really big and scary
that the world has never seen!
Igor, let’s build a monster!
To get me on the cover of
Mad Scientist Magazine!
Okay, bring him down, I'll check the pulse of,
My monster who looks so repulsive!
From head to toe he's seven feet
(With a twelve inch monster beneath his sheet!)
I can't wait until he's revived
I get to shout "IT'S ALIVE!!!"
He'll be good, not a baddy,
I hope someday he'll call me daddy.
(Chorus)
Igor, let's make a monster!
Something really big and scary
that the world has never seen!
Igor, let’s build a monster!
To get me on the cover of
Mad Scientist Magazine!
Now that my monster’s reanimated,
Let’s have champagne to celebrate it!
In the kitchen, we will bake,
A seven layer birthday cake!
Be careful when you light the candle,
It might be too much for him to handle
If you scare him with the flame
You only have yourself to blame.
(chorus)
Igor, let's make a monster!
Something really big and scary
that the world has never seen!
Igor, let’s build a monster
To get me on the cover of
Mad Scientist Magazine!
Stupid hunchback, look what you’ve done!
Now my monster’s gone off and run!
You let my monster get away!
So you are fired without pay!
Now he’s off to sack and pillage
And kill the towns folk of the village
A mob will gather on their porches
Then hunt him down with their torches!
(chorus)
Igor, you lost my monster!
He was really just a baby
now the world sees as a fiend!
Igor, you lost my monster!
Now I’ll never make the cover of
Mad Scientist Magazine!
While my monster runs amok
Reports are saying he’s out of luck!
A little girl shared a flower’s smell,
He threw the tyke right down a well!
They chased him way up on that hill,
Where he hid inside the old windmill,
The mob's worked up all in a craze,
So hey set the structure all ablaze!
(chorus)
Igor, they killed my monster!
He was really just a baby
that the world saw as a fiend!
Igor, they killed my monster!
There’s no way now I’ll get the cover
of Mad Scientist Magazine!
Go to the grave yard, dig up another!
This time I will make his brother!
I’ll need a brain that’s not dead,
I’ll take the one inside your head!
Don’t worry that you’re gonna lose it,
We both know you barely use it.
Now don’t start acting like a grump,
You will no longer have that hump!
(chorus)
Igor, Please be my monster,
I’ll see to it you become
a star of stage and screen!
Igor, if you’re my monster,
I’ll finally get the cover of
Mad Scientist Magazine!