Behind the façade

Why is someone mowing at 7am in the morning???

If that dog barks one more time...!!

I'll kill him if he runs late again

That guy looks dangerous...are my car doors locked?

You asked a polite question and here's my ten minute answer.

Sorry. Sorry. No I really am sorry.

Yes I do feel like it's my fault. Yes all the time. Sorry.

Sorry for saying sorry so much. Also my fault.

He has the bluest eyes - how dreamy...

What did that look mean at the dinner party last week? Is she mad at me? Did she take offence when I said green wasn't my colour. She was wearing a green hat. She probably hates me now.

Private number. Why do people use them? I'm not answering it. Leave a damn message.

Please stop spruiking your health smoothies on Facebook Debra. No one cares. Unfollow.

What's my ex from 10 years up to? Is his new partner prettier than me?

Don't overshare, don't overshare, don't overshare. 'Oh yeah I was at the doctor today for a pap smear'.

What does that look mean? Oh god, he doesn't think this is a date does he? Quick make an excuse and leave.

Why did you invite me over for dinner at five if you aren't serving it until nine-thirty. Get your shit together. No-one wants to eat that late. It's a school night.

Ooh let's send everyone a text, even though I haven't heard from them in two years, because I have a deadline. 'What are you up to these days, Titouan?'

Pancakes for dinner - because I had soup for breakfast and I'm a grownup so I can eat what I want.

Both pegs for each piece of clothing on the washing line must be the same colour if possible - it's not segregation, it's pegregation.

Dad jokes and bad puns

The inability to order a pizza other than Margherita without being disappointed

Pyjamas are the most comfortable clothes and I want to wear them all the time.

Don't surprise me. I hate it. I need to be emotionally and psychologically prepared to even see you, let alone be surprised.

Aggressively introverted. Loves parties

Listens to hypnosis on Spotify to try to solve all my problems. Mainly procrastination, lack of confidence, overthinking, negative self-talk.

Please like me