Dear Mom,

Do you remember the nights we would spend, sitting in the living room, hallmark movies on TV, talking about life and everything in between? I miss the ability to be that carefree. Do you remember laughing at the things my sisters and I did as children? You would brush off your giggles, saying that I’d understand when I was older, when I had my own children.

But I’m older now, and I don‘t think I’ll ever understand.

Are you disappointed in me?

I never wanted to be a mother. But now I’m stuck on the other side of the gap, and I don’t know how to talk to you anymore. My life is so much different than yours was.

Am I living up to your expectation?

You say you are proud of me, and I know you are, but I can’t help but wonder if you wish for more.

As a child, you were my sun. My thoughts and plans and ideas all revolved around your opinion, your approval. I think part of me is still stuck in that orbit. You were my hero, my super-mom, and I am just here- following in none of your footsteps. What am I supposed to do?

I love you.