Sluggo

My dog is an asshole.

Sluggo is hopelessly stupid. He is a yipping pee-bag who throws up when he gets excited. No sofa can resist him, no stuffing can survive. He is bad.

His tartar stinks. His shit stinks. His attitude stinks. He won't eat the flies. He won't heel. He won't do anything. When he wags his tail, he wafts malodorous bouquets circumferentially in cluster bombs. One time he crapped in my earphones--you can only imagine my surprise. He leaves a trail of urine so that he can find his way back. From the kitchen.

He just cannot learn. He's hopeless.

But I love him all the same. One day he'll push it too far and I'll have to beat him. But I say that every day. Not today.