The Grind

This daily grind will soon reveal if I am a diamond in the rough or just a lump of coal

Burnt as the grounds of coffee at the bottom of my cup

Today is better than yesterday

Today I feel adequate

And I laugh and cry at the thought

That an adequate day is cause for celebration

I've become numb to disappointment, apathetic to injuries

The secret, I've found, when the sea of life overwhelms you

Is to just give up

If you lay there, real still, you'll float to the top

Eventually

Realize, life does not have to be a battle to be beautiful

I'll give up relationships, give up sleep, give up health

If I don't, they'll be taken from me anyway

And cling to this small lifeboat

Which only has enough room for three things

I'll work to keep this lifeboat afloat

Patch a hole here and there

Jettison my dreams and goals

Endlessly tread through work and water

And carefully place my husband, my child, and myself inside

We'll keep each other alive and on most days

That's enough to make us smile

Some days, there are fewer holes to patch

And the dreams that fled like rats from a sinking ship

Return to bask in the sun

Until the next hole appears and I'm treading water again

My life is constantly patching holes to keep from sinking

My life is constantly putting out fires

Having to choose the fieriest fire to put out first

But every night

When my family is asleep

I let it all burn

Let it all wash away

Pull out a blank canvas

Pull up a blank page

Take my soul, blackened and ground down

and leave my mark

.