His purpose

The kid played his move, the compute automatically played its next piece, a black pawn. He played without thinking, it did no good. He was not playing to win. He was just doing it to do something with his hands, and eyes. This was a common activity for him. He playing chess at home after work, it was what smart people did. Except smart people won. He played without thought and lost, a lot. It didn't really matter to him. Each time the computer won, he just restarted and played another one. He did not know why, but it helped him when he got into one his dark moody moods. Which happened a lot. Before work, after work, and during his days off.

He had done a lot with his life educationally, he had graduated with a master's degree. He had scholarships during college and did well in his studies, but that did not seem to help at all. He was still working a job that did not even require a four-year degree. It was a dead end job, not to think bad of the people working the same job that were a lot older than him, but he did not want to be in the same job when he was their age. However, he did not really want any job. He could not think of any job that he would find personally fulfilling.

So he played chess. Played and died while he listened to steamed music. Sometimes he played against the very week computer that was made for beginners. He would always win against that computer.

However, that easy to beat computer has a purpose, to make so that beginner players could learn the ropes of chess. The other computer also had a purpose, to kill most chess players dreams of becoming grandmasters.

What was his purpose?

Growing up his purpose was chosen for him by the faith that he grow up in. Then his purpose was to do well in college and get his degree. Now he had the degree, a super fancy degree, and he felt like it was a worthless piece of paper in his hands. Though it might be important in order to work at a different yet similar soul-selling dead end job. However, the kid felt that a career would not really give him a purpose, and he lost his faith during his college years. Maybe if he did something else when he was younger instead of college it might be better, but he could not go back and change the past. He had to live what had been done. He also had strong suspicion he would be feeling the same now even if those changes were made.

He probably would wish that he did go to college.

He took after his father in pursuing education, his dad had a PhD. and like his father before him, he was fascinated by most of the things that he studied in college, but the internship he did afterwards was just too slow. He needed something that kept him busy, which currently was fulfilled by his dead end job. It also paid the bills. His father's purpose was met by a unique church and meeting the kid's mother. The kids they had give him even more purpose.

Agnostic.

That is what he considered himself now, separate from the faith that helped his father, but he felt like an undereducated agonistic. He even needed help from spell check to properly write agnostic. His older faith had religious texts, maybe he should seek the lost purpose in the sacred books of agnosticism. Were there such books?

He saw money for its worth as a tool; Life was made a lot easier with money, but he could not see himself living life for the sol purpose of getting more money. Or just seeking pleasures, even if playing videogames all day was good in the moment, he always felt like he had wasted entire day's time. He also studied public health, so drinking, smoking, and most drugs were out.

Love might be a good purpose, but the kid never really had much in that area. He did not look sightly, and had a health condition that made him consider himself as less than ideal. It did not help that the few dates he went on, less than he could count on a single hand, was with women that were part of his older faith, the faith that he is no longer a part of and that he had concerns with when the dates were actually occurring.

And he was getting old. The game was nearing the end, and he did not even know how to win it.