Table Hiding

Sometimes I feel like parts of me have grown over the age I am, while other parts still tuck themselves under the table anytime fight or flight gets activated.

Parts of me are ready to take on the world in ways nobodies ever seen, cause it’s not the tasks of life that are oblique. It’s the parts of me that do not understand humans and the contradictions they each delicately produce. That everyone is inherently different and everything exists. That the way you speak with one is not how you speak to another; how can you tell before you have to fix?

One persons this is what I need is another’s get away from me. How do you teach your mind to understand these things before it’s too bleak?

Parts of me have rooted and sprouted to tall oak trees swaying gracefully in the breeze; while other parts are struggling to grow past being a seed.

Spinning around, trying all the hard surfaces; never any soft cracks to fall through. I’ll just keep rolling beside the stones, my seeds shell can’t seem to be pierced into.

All I need is some dirt and space to let the seeds grow, one day a crack through will show. Learning is done through trial and error, its how anything was ever mastered or invented. How are you supposed to get better at skills that require practise with other people in real time moments believing they have your best intentions at heart while still needing to learn everything by yourself before those moments can even exist in reality in the first place?

Let’s circle back to square one.

I guess I’ll have to write the book on human complexities; it’ll be the only way to understand what’s been done.