How will I ever explain this?

— that my idealistic mindsets diminish as i grow older

— that i once hoped to be a beacon of justice to help the poor but i realized the system can't be changed by one person alone

— that those who are in the position of changing systems are the ones who are stained with so much greed

— that i don't dream of any accolades after my name, i just want to provide for myself and for my family but i can't do that without earning titles and most of all, an ample amount of money

— that i don't want to be commodified in the society but survival makes us slaves of capitalism

— that i don't have a dream job, i just want to be in an air-conditioned office doing paperwork to earn enough

— that i want to feel like a human, not needing to find the purpose of life but to just breathe and love.