It's still there.
A slight pain I get
When I remember the times I was able to see you
On a regular basis.
When I remember the days of silence,
The days of sadness, of hope,
Of crying into each other's arms,
Of laughing at the stupidest things
Until our eyes were wet with tears,
And our stomachs burned in protest.
Of sitting outside the school against the wall by the trash can
Sweltering in the heat or shaking a little in the cold
And waiting for a parent,
Or waiting for a parent to forget we exist.
Or discussing death.
Texting with our phones like normal people,
Or texting over a Google doc
About the smallest
And largest of things.
Watching Meat Canyon,
Or just sitting there,
Watching each other.
As we lived our lives out
And laughed and suffered about it,
We would watch each other.
I watched you bleed yourself out
And murder your brain cells
For a passion that you never, ever
Not even once
Gave up on.
And you watched me
Make my way through
All of the emotions
That were eating away at me.
And then you watched me leave.
You watched me travel miles away
To pursue the same passion,
But you're already miles ahead of me.
And I'm watching you slowly
Start to live out more pieces of your life
That I can't watch.
But I'm so
So proud of you.
I hope you know that.
I just miss you.
I could take it back.
The tiny, momentary hesitation
That was the borderline between an opportunity and sameness,
But not quite sameness.
One day, several hours
Was all it took to destroy a path
I had no idea
I wanted so desperately
Until it was gone.
I'll be okay.
I've moved on.
We've moved on.
But as much as both of us have moved on,
It sticks with me,
I wonder if you get that feeling too.