like most things I write, this is autobiographical

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m a chronic quitter. I went to college thrice, and only finished one degree - the least-useful and most-expensive one. I think I’m marginally better at Jeopardy and would do well on the English section of the SAT, but that’s about it.

I played soccer for a season, tap danced for a year, I went to golf camp, basketball camp, tennis camp, ballet, gymnastics, and that’s not even the full list. I have not been to the gym in multiple years and I wheeze when I run.

I used to paint, tried to learn to knit, went to photography club. I have art supplies clogging up my closet with old textbooks.

Sometimes I read. Rarely, but sometimes. I have started more books than I have finished, much more. I lie to people about having finished The Great Gatsby and 1984. I just couldn’t get into them, but they sound like great stories.

But, I ate a peanut butter sandwich - no jelly, just peanut butter - everyday for 12 years. I like what I like and when I like, I really like. I obsess and repeat.

This is all to say that I don’t read very often, but when I do read, I read hard. I read 200-300 pages a day. When I finish books, I finish them in <48 hours. I don’t only download PDFs of books because I have no money to buy them - despite the amount of time I spend at the bookstore. I like to highlight my books.

It’s color-coded. Orange is for new words that I’ve picked up and want to use - I write those down later somewhere else. Green is something I liked. Yellow is something that I can’t quite make up my mind about. Red is bad - and I usually insert a comment about why I don’t like it and how I would write it differently. Pink - only for fiction, not poetry - has to do with dates and times. Light blue means I cried, dark blue means I sobbed. Purple means I felt my stomach flip at the words on the page. Purple and blue are little delicacies. I want to be these colors.

When I finish a book, I don’t read it once, I read it again…and again and again. Until I can gain no more knowledge or pleasure from a book. Then, I write all my thoughts about it down, read reviews, fanfiction, and watch movie adaptations.

I read American Psycho in two nights and then I sat down in front of the TV with my PDF open and a notebook and pen next to me. I wrote down the similarities and differences, as well as my likes and dislikes. In case you were wondering, the book is better in my opinion - the movie doesn’t fully capture the critique of consumerism. I might write an essay on that.

Recently, I spent two nights reading a fanfiction - yes,I love fanfiction. It was 160k words, 14 chapters, still being updated periodically. I have never cried harder at a single piece of media. I am inconsolable. I audibly sobbed and used up a box of tissues. I envy this writer more than any other. Entire chapters are blue in color.

This is all to say that I am not a frequent reader, but I am an obsessive reader. I do not “like” anything, I love things - unless I don’t. When I love, I love until I cannot love anymore.